The Other End of the Rabbit Hole

I started this five days ago and it was overdue then. I apologize to the regular readers. I hope this entry helps you realize just how chaotic life gets.

The Other End of the Rabbit Hole
Sometime around Dec. 15 I began to think that it was if I had fallen through the rabbit hole, and had come out the other side. (see Alice in Wonderland.) The thought gave me some comfort in that the image describes my impression that explaining life as it is now to people from my pre-Oct. 24 life is futile. The rules, context, landscape, relationships, expectations are qualitatively different and the Red Queen just has no time or inclination to orient me or anyone else to this very different world.

Being on the other side does not confer any great sense that I can bridge two worlds and act as some ambassador or interpreter, Quite the contrary I can barely remember how I used to understand the world I came from. Memory fades for what having a home was, or what having a relatively ordered, predictably scheduled life was like. Although I can distinctly remember that I used to have certain concerns such as “how to create a professionally adequate Power Point presentation”, such things seem somewhat fabulous now as genuine pursuits.

Gabor completed the Landmark Forum last Tuesday, in Atlanta. As part of the process I travelled to Atlanta, a journey almost as mythic for me as travelling from Nazareth to Jerusalem in order to be registered by the Romans for tax collection purposes – the journey that brought the Christ child to his manger. Atlanta is a modern, crime infested, inhuman, racist city, yet through the set of people Gabor shared with and the requests I put out for an inexpensive place to stay and some money to pay expenses, David, Gabor and I lived for 5 days in a communal land based, child centred, car free community. As days progressed I found myself surrounded by happy, helpful, diverse and spiritual people who live to give each other a hand when needed, share their resources and carefully, intentionally interface with the bleak modern world within which they are imbedded.

It is practically obvious that women – even women of my age – gain a certain power, centredness and grace in such an environment. But I was most struck by how the men all seemed to have gained the space to be peaceful, creative and vulnerable in a very simple manner. I saw three men at work building a house with tools no more sophisticated than a battery powered hand drill. I watched as they constructed solid scaffolding out of simple pieces, figured ways to paint and assemble complex geometries, and communicate and move around each other’s different thinking/building processes apparently without the need for bosses, regulations or power struggles. The resulting house is immeasurably more beautiful than the ubiquitous urban architecture.

I was stranded one afternoon with work to do on my computer, a failed puff/sip interface, and no familiar personal assistant with me. I requested the assistance of one of the young residents of the house and quickly realized that his eyes were weak enough that he had to hold his face within two inches of the laptop screen. Yet he calmly followed my words and expressed no frustration, doubt or ego as we went through the minutely detailed process of accessing where the failure lay in the interface and then rebuilt the required code set. Within 15 minutes we had the interface working and he went about his business as if he had done nothing more complex than make a cup of tea. I met another man who simply did not hide that nearly continuous consumption of alcohol is a part of his life. On the one hand he can not sit or stand with others in a typical conversation more than a few seconds; on the other he keeps the history of the community alive, keeps the art and meeting spaces vibrant and functional, and has a knack of being present when a particular word or task is required.

Gabor and I were welcomed to present in this space and although we had only 3 days to set up and advertise about 14 people came and the level of listening and discussion was quite deep. It was exactly the sort of encounter where from beginning of the thought through production and inviting, to presenting the vision of world peace through inclusion and receiving the feedback and moving into dialogue and thoughts of future actions, the entire process was marked in respectful responsive engagement.

I practically moved to Atlanta on the spot. Cooler thought of course revealed that we are not in an either/or situation. There is room in the World Peace through Inclusion Tour for activity in Tybee, Savannah and Atlanta. Life gains complexity!

Back in Avalanche, the near Christmas season brought Gabor and I the opportunity to present to three members of the First Presbyterian Church and five college students who are at US universities, but originate from China or Japan. These young women are living over winter break at the retreat house attached to the church building and run by the congregation.

We finally got a good video of a presentation, marred only by the fact that I have a sore throat and went through two coughing fits. The girls were unprepared for our conversation but seemed to warm to the stories and dreams. Once again I felt that we “on the ground” and that everyone present would take some meaningful appreciation for inclusion and diversity away with them after the afternoon.

In the meantime there have been other dramatic moments in the personal assistance, financing and team work of the Tour. More in a soon to come posting.

Judith

Tonight!

Presenting an open forum led by
Judith Snow and Gabor Podor
in partnership with SoulShine and the Hearth Community

We are from Toronto Canada on a journey to host conversations about inclusion and diversity

Participate in an opportunity to expand
peace making capacity in our communities

Wednesday December 17th, 7pm
317 Nelms Avenue at the Hearth
(for map go to: www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com)

Donations at the Door

Judith Snow is an internationally renowned community developer and inclusion activist. Gabor Podor is a community festival organizer and DJ extraordinaire. For details of the World Peace through Inclusion Tour see:
www.peaceforinclusion.blogspot.com

A Weepy Moment

Perhaps this isn’t the best moment to write in the blog. I’m hungry, there’s someone’s sentimental music playing nearby and – I’m not cold! (We’re in Atlanta where there is an unusual warm spell happening!)

Gabor participated in the Landmark Forum this weekend. Many of my stresses have melted as I realize what a strong foundation I have in his renewed, now fully intentional commitment to BE my personal assistant. I am tired with the tired that comes from relief after a long, hard march. And I am joyful.

As can only ultimately be explained as a mystery, but yet has happened again and again to me when I or a friend of mine has participated in the Landmark Forum, the tide of my future and present has turned forcefully. Many have joined “the cause” – a Facebook fundraising strategy, while I have been promised an early honorarium cheque from Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy.

Gabor shared in the Landmark Forum about the World Peace through Inclusion Tour, and now we are preparing over 200 cards to hand out to willing recipients tomorrow night as he completes his final session.

Gabor met a woman, Sharon, in the Landmark Forum who has offered us free accommodations in Atlanta, in the heart of an intentional community that offers peace generating education to children and refuge to animals, artists and aging hippies. This community – The Hearth, (http://www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com) – feels like home!

Over the weekend Erin and Bill Worrell, coordinator of my circle, took on the transfer payment agency, and actually have worked out a mutual strategy that may get the wage money flowing again.

DeKalb Atlanta Citizen Advocacy coordinator and her assistant also offered shelter, and are participating in inviting participants to a discussion led by Gabor and I about creating peace in community, organized today, and to be held this Wednesday evening.

So in a matter of five days the finances are turning around, hundreds have heard or soon will hear the message of world peace through inclusion, my own circle is stepping up and I am back in the bosom of Landmark Education graduates, the only community in which I have ever felt free.

I am experiencing a sense of power that has been missing for many, many weeks.

Judith

Playing My Own Script

First, I will write about what’s been accomplished this week lest any readers are getting bored with my personal reflections and angst.

Wednesday David got me up early and Gabor and I set out for the Equal Opportunities facility, near Ogeechee and Anderson, in Savannah. By now we are getting reasonably familiar with the roads and we arrived on time, at 9:00 AM. I was tempted to call Tom Kohler, who has never seen me show my face before 11:00 AM just to tell him that miracles do happen, but we were quickly caught up in creating Plan B and Plan C, and the thought slipped my mind.

The event was advertised as a day to honour grandparents who were raising their grandchildren because the birth parents were absent, working or incapacitated in some way. I was working for free, or at least for breakfast, as a way to get the World Peace through Inclusion message out and because the main organizer, Gladys Cohen, has invited me to do a paid gig in March.

Breakfast was late in arriving, there was no coffee, no LED projector until the last moment, and the volunteers who were giving hand massages and manicures were in the same room as breakfast and the caroling – and the presentations - so when it came time for me to speak I definitely felt that I was working uphill.

Gladys cut me off before the end of my presentation but I didn’t really mind because I felt I had made my points as best as possible anyway in that chaotic space. Soon afterward a woman sought me out, gave me her contact information and took our card, and expressed how much she had gotten from my talk. Once again I realized that one never really knows what one is doing!

Since a beauty salon was represented that morning among the spa volunteers I requested and received a coupon for a free hair cut. It’s something I badly need and can’t afford right now. At the end of the morning Gladys asked me how much my presentation was worth. I set a lower fee but she insisted it was worth $5,000. It seems that her program needs to report a certain value of time and services contributed “in-kind” to keep their state funding. I was amused to realize that I am about to receive a $5,000 hair cut, and that Gladys has now told me how much I should charge for my conference presentation in March!

A few hours later I joined a small group of citizen advocates (see http://www.savannahcitizenadvocacy.org/index.htm) to reflect on the recent death of a young man who passed away under compromised circumstances at a local nursing home. People had asked me to think through with them how they could be better prepared to notice that active negligence could be taking place, realize they had noticed, then act powerfully to curb the harm that is evident.

I was happy to support them, but in truth it required little input from me. They were eager to have the opportunity to share their experience, their regrets, their questions and resources. It really only required of me that I had been present about 10 days ago when one of the four sat down informally with me at “The Bean” and in the course of opening up to me realized how valuable it could be to get people together to talk – breaking the silence.

I am encouraged in my sense that where I want to be on this Tour is present.

This week Gabor also went to Atlanta to participate in the Landmark Forum. As many reading this blog know I have been a participant in and assistant with Landmark Education courses since May 1990. I remembered this week that the last time I was hospitalized with life threatening bronchitis was 2 ½ years after I took my first Landmark course. I credit my Landmark participation as a main source of mental and physical health, and an environment within which I have been able to hone my vision, intention and skills as a world peace activist and inclusive community developer.

Gabor has noticed and admired the strength that being a Landmartian (my term!) has given me and decided to have a go himself at the Landmark Forum. I am totally excited by this and will travel myself tomorrow to Atlanta to participate in the “graduate evening”. This is the part of the Landmark Forum where participants invite their graduated friends to share in the course with them for a few hours.

As thrilled as I am for Gabor, his absence put me as close to the edge of serious breakdown as I have been for years. Erin went home to be with her kids last Monday due to their support collapsing. Lara who said she could be here by Friday (yesterday) got stuck in Toronto. Chris, who was hired on the fly to replace David who got another gig that took him out of town Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon, called to back out at 2:00 PM on Thursday. But Chris was persuaded to hang in there for just enough time and with both of our hearts in our mouths I put Gabor on the bus at 6:30 PM Thursday. Tom Kohler stood by to be called in case Chris baled or David didn’t show.

It is now Saturday evening and Lara made it across the border and is due anytime between now and Sunday morning. Tom has been taken off emergency alert. Erin has been busily and successfully guiding from Toronto the emergency fundraising to pay for the assistance that my transfer payment agency won’t cover. Chris and I both went with David to his second gig, which was to video tape a stage performance of Aladdin put on by youngsters and teenagers at a well funded prep school in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

The production cost $30,000. The director used to be on Broadway and some of the theatrical effects were created by specially contracted Cirque du Soleil producers.

Maybe I’m just bent and jaded but I couldn’t help notice that there were only 3 black people in an audience of nearly 500, and one of them came with me. There was one kid in a motorized wheelchair in the cast, and his role was to zoom across the stage once. He didn’t show again, even for the last bow
.
(In case you wonder just how to authentically fit a kid in a motorized wheelchair into an Arabian Nights tale, they had an elephant on wheels built to escort the princess in at one point, and I can imagine that he could have driven it around quite effectively!)

This morning I awoke to lie staring at the ceiling of my trailer – Avalanche – which is little more than a large tin can lined with Styrofoam and whose thin walls and propane furnace protect me from the chilly, windy nights of Tybee Island. I was struck by how I had achieved exactly what I seek for others. Full, naked inclusion!

Now, at least temporarily abandoned by my transfer payment agency, I have no services in my life. Apart from the very real burden of having to raise a lot of money to cover staff salaries I am also free of agencies trying to create an unreal protective prison around me. I have been stripped both intentionally and by unexpected circumstances down to what I can create for myself and what those who believe in me and/or who care about me are willing and able to provide in order that I may continue to create my vision in the world. There is no pretense, no protection, no coddling, no barrier – and no limit to how far this message can reach!

I am standing up to the privilege and the challenge. I will be present at the final bow of this so much more ragged and so infinitely more interesting production. Cirque du Soleil, eat your heart out!

Judith

Donation Request

I posted the message below on Facebook tonight. Readers who are not on Facebook can respond by going to CAVE - www.communitycave.com, and following the links for the World Peace through Inclusion Tour.

"Erin has done a wonderful job of setting up a Facebook "cause" for our group, and our friends. I thought I would throw in my words as well, to set a context that I realize some may not know.

First, what is this World Peace through Inclusion thing?!?

I notice lately that there are many peace initiatives and that is GREAT. More and more people realize you can't fight for peace. They are creating different pathways to that goal. That's important because peace is wholistic, inner and social, experienced in mind, body, heart and relationships. Certainly peace is created and certainly there is more than one way to make it present.

For over twenty years I grew in understanding that when people take on the challenge of being inclusive - building relationships and community from diverse ability - they became more peaceful, almost as a by-product.

For most of that time I ignored what I was learning. Afterall I am an inclusionist, not a peace activist!

Finally, I have been confronted with what I know, what I want in the world, and my ultimate responsibility to say what I see. Inclusion can lead to World Peace.

And so I have sold my house, bought a trailer and accessible van, and set off to figure out how to get this simple, important vision planted in the world.

First stop is Savannah, and there we have stayed for complex reasons. Please read the blog for details.

In the meantime - and here comes message #2 - various potential sources of income to sustain Erin - the publicist, Gabor - the personal assistant/roadie, and myself - the spokesperson - the $$ sources are slow to come through. Chief of these is the source of Gabor's wages, and he is currently working for nothing while I am paying people who give him a break from 24/7 from my credit card.

As Erin recently posted, the transfer payment agency who receives about $1800 a week from the Ministry of Health in Ontario in order to pay my personal assistants is refusing to pay Gabor. I have met the conditions but the agency has not yet restarted his wages.

We are broke. Going home is not an easy alternative because it would interrupt the ground work that I have spent weeks and months putting in place.

On top of that, I have no home to go back to. I needed to make a complete shift to make the Tour happen and so there is no house and there are no personal assistants in place either in Toronto where I lived for 37 years or Barrie where I will eventually live in the Sophia Creek Camphill community.

We have an urgent need for $3000 to meet upcoming personal assistance costs. Thereafter this will not be an ongoing expense if the transfer agency is persuaded to keep its commitment. After that I will have more income from work, but there will still likely be unmet expenses associated with Erin's work and with other daily costs of keeping going.

Please donate if you can, and pass the word along. Someone out there will think this is an exciting fulfilling way to spend the abundance they have!"

Warmly; Judith Snow

Sad Note

Just a quick note:

I intended to write more, but my heart’s not in it. Erin had to return to Toronto today. The supports around her children broke down.

We can do lots of stuff by e-mail and Skype, so by no means is “all lost”. Also, as things get sorted out and her circle gets stronger, she will rejoin Gabor and me.

Just the same, I miss her.

Missing stuff has been a theme! Space, my cats, back-up personal assistants, a steady income, etc. I don’t want to drag on – or make the blog only into a personal diary! Still it’s remarkable how emotional this journey is continuing to be.

Tomorrow, I will give a more “professional” report, and maybe post some pictures.

Love; Judith

Dark Thoughts and Blind Men

Somehow time gets away. (That leaves an image of me crazily chasing after time with a butterfly net – unsuccessfully!) It’s already three days since the last post. How does that happen?

Relatively speaking there was quite a response to my last post, and ALL of it was to tell me that prisons are not something to like. Funny – I don’t think I said I like or agree with the existence of prisons. My point is there IS stuff in the world I don’t agree with and wouldn’t create or actively support, yet, if I am honest about my feelings, fears or even about what I observe in life, I know that I am sometimes attracted to what I consider to be violent and also that I have sometimes seen good results emerge from what I consider to be “bad”.

Why am I writing about this? Mostly because I am faced with what seems to be a reality that I am limited by my own judgment of good/bad. I came to be an “inclusionist” out of my reaction at six years old to some information my Father gave me about doctors killing children with Down Syndrome and our subsequent conversation about why he was keeping me alive. It was one of the most pivotal moments in my life. But in my life long zeal to fix this problem in the world and to permanently impart value to the people who are labeled disabled I have become a sort of one trick pony, and on top of that, I don’t consider myself to be particularly successful. Doctors continue to kill children with Down Syndrome, albeit in a much more scientifically justified and sanitized way.

One thing I have come to understand in my life is that to attempt to fix something is to empower that thing to reoccur in a stronger form. Use of antibiotics kills off weaker bacteria leaving the stronger ones optimal space to thrive. Closing institutions for “the disabled” led to the proliferation of group homes so that now every town, large or small, in North America and Europe, has houses where the labeled ones are isolated and hidden in the name of “being cared for”.

Does this mean I never use an antibiotic or that I want a return to institutions? No, it means I want to “love my enemies” to use a Christian teaching, or in Landmartian terms, (I am a Landmark Education graduate and an avid participant in their programs), I seek the path to transformation, where my unique perspective on the opportunity that is made available by diversity becomes understood in our shared world as part of bigger conversations about peace, abundance and responsibility for a healthy planet.

Back at the Life Ministries church this evening I came to some peace for myself about my mixed background of values and interpretations, callings and missions, and musings and confusions about what I am doing and why I am doing it. I realized that I don’t have to figure it out – I don’t have to understand myself, at least not altogether. There is no necessity to neatly wrap up my rich life experience, my love for my labeled fellow travelers or my intense drive to impart a different vision of the possibility of diversity.

It is enough that I have lived and am living a blessed life, that I have been richly afforded occasions to see beyond the “normal” cast of perceptions that our societies call the way it is, and that I have deeply experienced and am now exploring the abundance that is made possible by welcoming diversities that challenge us into vital networks of relationship and opportunity.

I simply want to share it, build it and as much as possible secure this way of being into our everyday structures.

On a related note, at the gracious invitation of Tom and Betsy Kohler, Erin, David, David’s brother Jamie and I went to a concert of gospel and Christmas music performed by the Blind Boys of Alabama, at a cozy bar called the Café Loco on Tybee Island. Gabor had already agreed to DJ at the Sentient Bean, so he MISSED IT.

The four principal Grammy winning performers are men in their 80’s who were raised at the Negro School for Blind Boys, where they first performed together in 1939, ten years before I was born.

Let’s just say the place rocked. Quite literally at some points the group, the audience, the entire building were jumping!

At one point the main singer, (I think he said his name is Jim Carter), was led out into the middle of the rocking, dancing audience by the tour manager Chuck. People reached out to touch him as he sang, danced and reached out to them. At points Chuck would start to lead Jim back up the steep step to the stage, and Jim would get part way up and turn around and practically drag Chuck back down into the joyful jumping crowd.

Although it initially looked like Chuck was trying to make Jim stop and return to the safety of the stage to end the concert at a time appropriate for a nearly 90 year old man, it was soon obvious that the two were playing a game, likely well practiced, and designed to give Jim full contact with his unseen listeners and their exquisite pleasure in the group’s performance. The two men were having a lot of fun.

Beyond the memorable performance I reveled in this demonstration of personal assistance at it’s best. Chuck facilitated Jim’s joyful, humorous play, and his full quality performance while making it safe without minimizing the risk or making a big deal of the “extra” work he was called to take on. We all had the chance to see team work at it’s finest but I suspect few will appreciate as much as I do that this demonstration of superb facilitation was brought about by men, some of whom started their lives in the deepest dual segregation, both racist and ablist, and that they are people who started the creation of the dance called personal assistance decades before the Independent Living Movement started in Berkley, California in the mid-60’s.

Chuck took our card from Erin. I am hopeful that Chuck is as good as his word and that the Blind Boys of Alabama will do a gig with the World Peace through Inclusion Tour when the gentlemen return from their European tour.

Judith

Building and Breaking Down Community

Both progress and serious stress showed themselves in the last few days.

I am proud to report that Team Avalanche - Erin, Gabor and myself - have the makings of real activities with goals, timelines, and partners, we have the beginnings of a fundraising strategy and a budget, and we have much of the required infrastructure - a part time personal assistant, David, to relieve Gabor’s 24/7 schedule, another, Lara, on her way, an office set up in Avalanche, most of the equipment working, at least most of the time, good video equipment, functioning internet and e-mail accounts, and a growing Facebook group.

On the “down” side Erin’s home situation, with kids being supported by her circle, is rocky and we almost had to send her home today, and issues that smack of “scarcity” dog our energy, focus and effectiveness. This morning, after Gabor tripped twice and I ran into part of my desk turning around to have breakfast, and Erin and I met yet again in the van which sometimes doubles as our “office”, I recognized that I was – jealous - as two bus sized RV’s drove in tandem into River’s End, each towing a full sized SUV, and out jumped – 3 people!

Of course I have never spent any time in my life pursuing lots of money and “things”. In general I have tended to prefer a life less focused on material things. I could have - and still could - justify my tendency to avoid the materialistic! This morning I got in touch with how I hold it as either/or when it possibly could be both/and.

I have been living in that I am not wealthy because I am pursuing higher values!!! But, would the World Peace through Inclusion Tour have been any less valid if I had sought ways to afford a bus (or even two!) that easily accommodated 3 or 4, and an office, and was accessible, and towed a truly comfortable, accessible car?

Of course we still can!

My other reflection was even messier. One of Erin’s children frequently displaces an utter lack of respect for adults, particularly those who are charged with the responsibility of educating him and giving him a home. Gabor and I had a long conversation about discipline this morning, and I, somewhat uncharacteristically for me, was considering the possible value of corporal punishment, at least as one of a few – rather extreme – strategies that sometimes, when used within proper limits, actually work. For example I am in a long term friendship with a young woman who, when she was a teenager, after years of careful attention by many people, got herself into prison for three years. There she benefited greatly physically, emotionally and educationally. It isn’t what I wanted to believe. There were times when I almost hoped things would break down so that I could say: “See, prisons are bad.” – but in her case prison saved her life.

On my afternoon stroll I was more thinking about why I was caught up in such dark thoughts. I realized that for a few weeks I have been hearing stories like the Wallmart employee who was trampled to death by early morning Thanksgiving shoppers and a young man in a nearby nursing home who was starved to death.

My own story and my own mission are founded in the story my father told me when I was six about doctors who were killing children with Down Syndrome. In short, from that moment I drew a life long intention to alter the “value” that “the disabled” have in society’s perception so that the desire to kill us would be muted.

Simply, it is a general pattern that shows up in all societies at some points and more or less often that people will kill even a member of their own family if they perceive that that person cannot or will not participate in sustaining the other members of the group/family. The other side of this pattern is that people will go to great length to sustain a member who is seen to be contributing typical or extraordinary value to them.

For me this has sparked an intention to deeply root the perception that people who are labeled disabled, and especially people who are not speaking, are contributing in both ordinary and often unusual and very valuable ways. One of these ways is by helping to make people more peaceful.

I don’t think I have turned into an abuser of children. I do think I fear for the retribution that the young man’s behaviour may draw on him in his childish waywardness, and so instinctively I am triggered to want to limit him and “get his attention”. The instinct runs deep and I am as capable of feeling it as anyone, even justifying it!

As a alternative, I think I and others need to admit that the instinct is there, and that it comes up when we feel threatened in our own survival. Then, perhaps, we can create effective, peaceful ways to sustain and nurture each other so that our threat levels can subside.

Judith

A Response!

On Nov. 25, my Georgian colleague wrote the following e-mail, and subsequently agreed I can post it with my reply:

Thank you for staying in touch. I would like to work and play
with you, as well. However, what I would like and what I can
realistically do are sometimes very far apart! I have several
"projects" on my plate right now, and have been trying to monitor
myself so that I don't take on any more until I get a few of them
completed. I just don't have any more time in any given day -
actually I could use a few extra hours every day if you know of
someone who could spare theirs!

I am enjoying reading your blog - learning how you think;
attempting to get my thinking inside of yours to understand the
point you are making. I really enjoy the way you think, but I
confess that I have to take time to absorb, interpret, engage -
and time is short for me right now. (Back to the previous paragraph!)

As a Christian theologian, I do think the conversation about World
Peace through Inclusion can be approached through a religious
context. (Of course, as a theologian, I think every topic can be
approached in some way through a religious context.) But,
further, I think a case could be made for the consideration that
world peace (or maybe more specifically, conflict) is currently
centered in a religious context, so that if we could engage
religion with inclusion, we would widen the audience and the
process. (Check out Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel, and the peace
conversation he is engaging through the Interfaith Youth Corps.)

I spoke with our associate pastor, Chris Henry, about bringing
your Tour to our congregation here in Atlanta. We have not had a
chance to follow up. The Christian community is entering the time
of Advent, which has lost much of it's reflective, introspective
practice in recent history. We now spend much time in the
Christian church at this time of the year busying ourselves with
celebrating the birth of Jesus, versus recognizing the impact of
being "incarnate" beings.

Your blog about being normate, and your exploration of physical
and etheral self touches on the Christian understanding of
"incarnation" - which is what Christmas is really about -
recognizing the experience of "God" becoming "human." That the
"spiritual" self is embodied in a physical "self" is the
touchstone of Christianity - in my estimation. So, you see, you
do have much to say to a Christian audience - maybe you didn't
realize that?

I responded:
Thank you so much for getting right back to me, for reading the blog, and for reflecting on what I say and responding to me!

Yes, I do realize the Christian context and connection, even the significance of "my" message considering how often the message of "love" has been watered down to "be good and help out the less fortunate". I was born an Anglican and deeply influenced when I was four by a theologian and and priest who came to town for six months. Ordinarily I have little opportunity to give the thoughts a religious contextualization, but in many ways this is also part of my "mission".

Warmly; Judith

Last Day of November

The Tour is down to five more months. Or maybe not! It has been emerging that a number of opportunities are possible toward August and later. Clearly I need to be in Toronto in May and July, and I want to spend lots of time with Camphill in Barrie and Angus during the summer months. Just the same the future of the Tour is unfolding and I am loath to push it or cut it off.

Right now it looks like we can do good things if we stick around Tybee and Savannah until mid or end of April, head back to Toronto picking up Madison and/or Chicago and/or Indianapolis along the way, then head west picking up Denver and others, spend quality time in and near Duncan and BC, etc. I hope to have made these decisions in the next three weeks.

By the end of Thanksgiving weekend we have leads but no commitments. Conversations are underway about working at two conferences, doing several meetings, fulfilling two or three writing projects, starting and/or demonstrating Laser Eagles in two areas, doing some support around advocates who face life and death crises with their labeled friends, and working with two to four youth groups. It would be impossible to do much deep work if we left by the end of February but, on the other hand, there are as of yet no firm commitments and all of the initial could still easily dissipate.

Erin has sequestered herself for rest, reflection and writing at Kristin’ and Brad’s Tybee house. Gabor and I attended service at First Presbyterian on Washington this morning. This is the church where Gloria, Jean, Franziska, Paula and I started our January sojourn in Savannah earlier this year. Neel Foster is chair of the social concerns committee there, and we have been to dinner at the church twice since we got here. It seemed important to show up as a way of indicating our seriousness about deepening possibilities to get the Peace through Inclusion vision on the table in this well established network of Savannahians.

Today is the first day of the Christian church year, the first Sunday of advent, the time when the church prepares for the incarnation of God through the birth of the baby Jesus. Advent has always been my favourite season. However you find the Christian message, it seems powerful to me, and very much in line with Inclusion. It is awesome to reflect on the message that the powerful and organized oppressors were utterly turned upside down, and that the discontinuities in our human natures can be reconciled by the utter vulnerability of an infant. The “authentic” Christian message is that ultimately power lies not in strength, ability, resources or organization but in love, intimacy and forgiveness.

The service was powerful, bringing me once again to question how much of my desire to take on this Tour comes out of my political commitment to Inclusion, and how much out of my Christian-shaped spirituality. Perhaps it doesn’t really matter, but it leaves me with questions about what to write, what to say and how to approach people with what I believe will inspire them.

Tonight the rain stopped and it was warm enough to go for a walk. I am stiff and uncomfortable from sitting still too long, in front of the computer, in the close quarters of Avalanche or Bronte, or even in church. There is a brand new moon and so not much light, and even though I was wearing Gabor’s head lamp and my eyes are trained to see in the dark of the country roads after two months of living at Camphill Nottawasaga, I noticed how nervous and tentative I was as I rolled along.

I reflected on how similar this is to my approach to this Tour. If I were out in broad daylight I would zip down the bike path, avoiding the sidewalk which is generally sound but has occasional gaps and drops. I would easily notice large vistas of marsh or artists’ displays, and generally enjoy the intriguing and sometimes humorous landscape of Tybee.

In the dark, the shadow of a large tree makes me lose sight of the road’s edge, I stick to the sidewalk when possible because drivers do not necessarily pay much attention to my white coat and head lamp, and a barking dog on a balcony makes me cautious. In fact I turned back when I dropped a few inches between some uneven sidewalk sections, and on the way back mistook another trailer for ours and was disoriented for awhile.

It’s the same space, there is just as much beauty and the same compelling reasons to be out exploring and taking it all in exist in the day or by night. The risks are pretty much the same. However the lack of capacity to see clearly beyond a few centimeters changes everything - curiousity into timidity, grace into creeping, accomplishment into survival.

I know that it is always important to approach the future with a certainty based on nothing but faith – whether it be faith in dream or Holy Spirit, however you see it. It is easy to know that but not so easy to do it when there is no way to know what’s in the future. And mostly there is no way to know what will be in the future and so faith – especially my faith right now - must stand on nothing.

It seems that I chose to spend my life, my resources, my relationships and my reputation traveling and creating the World Peace through Inclusion Tour based on the faith that my life and the richness of the blessings I have received are not for nothing and won’t be wasted. I continue to believe that, in some manner that remains too dark for me to see yet, we who are called disabled have a rightful and important role in history and that we can take a full place in every community.

I just can’t see how – yet.
Judith

Thanksgiving

In the United States yesterday was Thanksgiving Day. For us it was been both a working day and a day of celebration.

Since before I left Toronto it has been on my agenda to do a video conference at an Alberta Government sponsored conference designed for front line service providers in their “developmental disabilities” sector. I made the conference developer aware quite awhile ago that I would not come to the physical location of the presentation – somewhere in Edmonton – but would broadcast myself by video hook-up to the participants. It has long been my dream to be able to take the message anywhere without always having to subject my body, my equipment and my personal assistants to the stress, fatigue and disruption that goes with touring conferences.

Over a year ago I began to develop the resources I would need to fulfill on occasions such as today. However – to cut a LONG story short – Wednesday evening Gabor and I, and even on Thanksgiving morning, I was putting the finishing touches on both the presentation and the steps needed to get Skype, the wireless headset, the air card and the webcam working with Erin and I, and the conference venue and organizers in a seamless way.

On top of ALL that, who knew, especially in Canada and so many months in advance, that Thursday, Nov. 27 would be Thanksgiving Day in the United States?!? Here the celebration is not like in Ontario. In Ontario the celebration is literally a movable feast. People line up their invitations and events so that they may go to a friend’s place on Saturday, a family on Sunday and another relative or friend on Monday. Here you have one shot, and everybody pretty much is organized to be gorging themselves, somewhere, with somebody at 6:00pm.

At River’s End a steady stream of RV’s of all sorts arrived on Wednesday, some even on Thursday morning. Sharon, a campground host, had been cooking since Wednesday afternoon. All campers were invited to a Thanksgiving feast, and expected to provide a dish from their own trailer’s kitchen. On Thursday morning I could easily observe a variety of culinary preparations underway on BBQ’s and under awnings sheltering portable tables.

However, in my eagerness to be “included”, and before I realized that I had in effect double booked myself, I had wheedled us an invitation to dine at the Stubers. Chloe Stubers and other members of the First Presbyterian Church were very helpful last January in getting our then team of five moved in and out of the three places we stayed that trip. In addition, Neel Foster, her mother, is a renown cook, an intriguing artist, and a warm funny companion. When we showed up to dinner two Wednesdays ago at the church I practically twisted her arm to invite us to HER house for Thanksgiving dinner. I think she was momentarily taken back by my boldness but politely and warmly acknowledged that we were invited.

Neither was Neel nonplused when I called her to ask if her house could be the venue for my video conference which would end a mere 15 minutes before dinner would be served.

So there we were, plugged into the family internet in the master bedroom, hiding away from the growing hub bub of large family Thanksgiving preparations, attempting to give a live video presentation to an unknown Albertan audience on the subject of Person Centred Planning. Sometimes my life seems surreal even to me!

I don’t know if I will ever know how it really went. I hope someone sends me the session feedback. Everything worked reasonably well on our side, except that when I put up slides apparently people could not hear my voice. So Erin and I put them up for 30 seconds each, then took them down as I continued my talk.

The really unfortunate part was that the media company we were working with were unable to give me return sound or video. It may have been some difficulty on our side – I am too new to Skype to know that yet. In any case the media representative left soon after my session. There was no one on the Alberta side left to set up some other sort of feedback for me to know how my audience (was there an audience) was receiving and responding to my talk, if they could read the slides or if there were questions and comments.

After a grueling hour the long anticipated video conference was over. Erin and I joined the extended Stubin/Foster family where the food and laughter were anything but grueling. We actually got to eat road kill! I will gladly tell you how that happened IF I get some comments and questions on this blog!!!

There is so much more that could be said. Let it suffice for now to write that tonight four of the young people we were with last night, on their way to a party, dropped into Avalanche, stayed for a cup of tea and some of Gabor’s techno music, took our business cards, shared Obama campaign stories, and promised to look into ways that we could talk at their peace groups, schools or clubs. Concern about my impact in Alberta faded in the certainty that yesterday we made a difference with some young people who are active and looking to make connections and bring a brighter future to our planet.

Judith

Video Conferencing Now Up and Running

Get Ready, Get Set, SPLAT

Just as things seemed to be getting sorted out, another wrench got tossed into the wheel. I use a computer program called Darci USB to type on and do the mouse controls of my computer. To access Darci I use a puff/sip control which gives me a “dot” when I suck (sip) and a “dash” when I blow (puff). I have used Morse Code since I was first introduced to a keyboard emulator that accepted it in 1986. It truly liberated me in that it made it practical and fairly fast for me to do my own input and writing. As e-mail and the internet became the primary tools of work life I was able to get into and keep up with the world of communication and influence in ways I could never have imagined even when I was dictating essays to willing volunteers at university.

I certainly could never have imagined the impact that mobile, trailer living is having on my daily life. Early last week I could no longer ignore that my puff/sip interface was sluggish and requiring ever greater effort to deliver the required sucks and blows. By Friday first Gabor, then David, spent hours with me cleaning old saliva out of ever deeper parts of the interface, and in the process, breaking part of the casing and discovering more and more both about how it actually works and how broken down it had become – a wire stripped here, a part of the breath pipe cracked there, etc. Nothing seemed to keep it working more than a few minutes before it again slowed down and became difficult to activate. Eventually I began to notice that the “dot” producing part was much improved, but the “dash” producing mechanism finally failed completely on Saturday.

In the meantime I had connected up with Skype, and just as I was finally able to make independent phone calls, (not having been able to do so since leaving Toronto on Oct. 24), I lost the capacity to do this AND keep up the blog AND keep up with Facebook and e-mail all in the same failure of a single switch. This was an unanticipated blow although the device itself is about eight years old. Somehow I never thought that continuous setting up and dismantling of a device that had been stationery for years could lead to its rapid deterioration!

A few hours later I remembered that Darci can run from a single switch. Erin confirmed with me that the second switch really is not functional, then we set out to discover if we could get me back to functionality with just one. Of course single switch puff/sip is just sip. I began to retrain myself in the required, quite different, mouth movements while both Erin and I tried to work out figure out what settings would make the device most workable for me. About two hours later after typing a page of gibberish I put out two sensible words – Hello, Erin. – and went to bed.

Sometime mid-morning today I realized that the third switch I have in my possession, the interface for my Tykkriphone – a puff/sip telephone dialer – is now redundant because I am not going to need a land line phone with Skype even when I do return to living in a house. I thought that perhaps we could combine the one functional switch from the Darci set up with the only switch from the Tykkriphone interface to make a new dual switch for Darci that would work like my now broken device.

At first we seemed defeated because, as luck would have, it both switches seemed to be suck ones. Trial and error revealed that the “A” tip could become the “B” tip, and finally I was back in dual switch mode, this time with two tubes in my mouth, but happily typing away at my usual 35+ words/minute and managing Skype, Facebook and Freecell all at the same time!

Thank god for willing assistants, ingenuity and duct tape.

Speaking of God, we have been to church 5 times since the Tour began – not something I could ever have imagined as part of our ongoing itinerary. Two Sundays ago I was invited to speak at the chapel of Erin’s former boarding school. Since then we have twice attended the mid-week church suppers at the First Presbyterian Church in Savannah, at whose retreat house I stayed for ten days last January.

Through a connection made at the Sentient Bean we were invited to attend yesterday’s service at Life Ministry in Chatham, next to Savannah. The singing was moving and the principal minister emerged as a very intuitive, energetically healing person. I went up for the laying on of hands, soon followed by Erin. I am not one to push the vision of World Peace through Inclusion as a religious message. Just the same the minister’s warm touch, empathic understanding and encouraging words raised my energy and spirit in the face of our uncertainty about exactly what we are doing or where the money is going to come from.

This morning we followed through on an invitation to go to the Eucharistic service at All Saints Episcopal Church on Jones St. in Tybee. Certainly not charismatic in nature, the service was still warm and energetic, and it was very familiar to me as I was raised an Anglican. The sermon was about inclusion and the importance of serving the “least” as much as the “greatest”. I partook of the Eucharist, and so did Gabor who, raised in a Communist European country, has never experienced this ritual before.

At coffee hour afterwards I had the opportunity to speak for a few minutes about the Tour. Our video camera worked and we caught it on tape, and several people took cards and suggested possible places where I can speak about Inclusion.

Later this afternoon we met with Tom and Betsy Kohler and they took the 30 second tour of Avalanche. Tom and I mapped out a strategy to spend time this week creating three or four opportunities that can lead to real results soon and in January.

All in all, a week that seemed fraught with energy and time draining difficulties has also led to several exciting potentials for fulfilling our commitment to the vision of World Peace through Inclusion.

Judith

Our New Home

Wednesday was moving day. I decided to roll down Jones Ave. while Gabor and Erin packed up Avalanche and drove to the River’s End Campground. We left with some regret because Kristin and Brad have been wonderful hosts, including in their hospitality full access to their hot tub and latte maker.

My personal trip from the south end to the north end of the island was engaging! Not being sure when I will get back I took an intentional side trip to the Back River Fisherman’s Pier. Yesterday was brilliantly sunny and very cold so I was bundled in a woolen hat, scarf and Columbian woolen poncho. I was a solitary visitor to the pier. It is impressive to be the only human observer to the power of the steady, almost relentless, flow of the river meeting the very different rhythm of the equally steady ebb and flow of the incoming tide. The sea water spreads over, the river flows under, slowly a four inch bore, almost lazily, creeps toward the shore. As I continued my journey northward a few minutes later I reflected on my own duel nature of apparent stillness and persistent drive.

In my reverie I failed to recognize that I had continued up Chatham Ave. and not up Jones. Fortunately over my last few visits to Tybee I have familiarized myself with the layout of the south end and I got myself back on track with no great anxiety or loss of time.

The nature of the town changes a lot going north. Within five or six blocks the traffic had picked up to such an extent that I frequently pulled off the road to ensure that drivers had plenty of room to go by me. There were no sidewalks until I reached 1st street (I started at 17th). After this there was a choice between bike lane and sidewalk, not all of which was in good repair.

Even as the urbanness of the environment increased it continued to be obvious that about 25 % of Tybee is up for sale and another 20 % is for rent. We have been checking out prices for a friend and it’s clear that everything is high priced, even ridiculously expensive. I wondered why people wouldn’t bring down their rents, encourage a lot more people of more modest means to come to the island and so renew the range of economic opportunities available to them. Then I considered that as much as I wish Tybeans were more generous I, myself, was developing an ungenerous attitude towards them, and that my real work, at least for the moment, is to sustain an open heart toward my neighbours.

As I passed 4th street I saw Bronte and Avalanche cross the intersection of Jones and 1st. About 15 minutes later I arrived at the campground where two camp staff people were assisting Gabor to take his second pass at parking Avalanche. That accomplished we purchased an extra length of sewer hose and with the cheerful and helpful advice of the man we now call Trailer Tom (we know several Toms!) we are now fully hooked in to a “proper” RV campsite for the first time since I purchased Avalanche on August 11.

Trailer Tom informed us that the Mayor of Tybee had called the owner of River’s End and requested that we be given a complementary place until February. I have a new sense of the generousity of the citizens of Tybee Island.

Judith

Belated Thank You

Just a short post tonight. Scott Mills, a pro-youth and community cop in Toronto, attended our fund raiser on Oct. 23, and then posted these videos and photos. Thank you Scott!

Videos at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPGpe81N8xs&feature=related

and pictures at:

http://picasaweb.google.ca/scotmills/WorldPeaceThroughInclusionTour#

Time to Move On

(Originally written Monday, Nov. 17)
The Tybee Island City Manager came by today trailed by her assistant. A no nonsense middle-aged woman, she had a look around Avalanche then told us in a “brook no argument” way that it is not in her power to extend our 7 day permit and that getting a variance to the by-law stipulating that people can park their trailers next to houses but not live in them more than 7 days in a row 3 times a year would cost a minimum of $250 and take a month longer than we plan to be in Georgia. To her credit she promised that she would put in a good word for us with the owner of the trailer park at the north end of the island because she likes our Tour, and she did so. When Erin checked back with him a few hours later he had a spot for us and it has been left to Wednesday, when we must move, for us to find out if there will be a charge and if it will be less than the usual Tybee rate of $1000/mn.

The three of us met and about an hour later we were joined by Kristin Russell, the owner of the Sentient Bean and the partner of the man who owns the house where we are currently parked. We were engaged in frank discussion of how we are doing, how we can work together better and in what activities we can set up and/or join that will forward the objectives of the Tour more powerfully. I definitely feel that we made progress.

The idea that I feel the most excited about is for us to work with some active youth groups to create a local currency initiative. This would be different from other barter systems in that its intention would be to create exchange, inclusion and relationship more than to be a strict barter system. I think such a “game” could be powerful because it could give people a way to acknowledge and appreciate contributions that rarely get noticed in our typical economic system. Such a contribution is like when a person with Down Syndrome is very good at making people feel happy, or a child with learning challenges stimulates greater academic learning in other students. We quickly slipped into calling the potential medium of the currency “happy dollars”. This also reflects that it seems that creating such a game might help pull people out of the gloom that current economic difficulties have spread all over Savannah, and Tybee where ¼ of the properties are up for sale.

Now it is up to us both to get things underway and to find the necessary funding ourselves to keep us on the Tour and at the Task. It is clearly time for us to be intentional and to create from the amazing opportunities that we have been given.

Judith

Incarnation

(Originally written Sun., Nov. 16)

Merriam-Webster Dictionary
CARNAL
- Having to do with life on earth especially as opposed to that in heaven
- Pleasing to the physical senses

After yesterday’s post about my frustration with the lack of apparent progress toward achieving the intended goal of this tour, I had a rather lurid dream and awoke to reflect for much of the day on both what IS the significant difference of my current experience and also about how I would know if I were achieving the goal of this tour.

I have long had the question: “What is it like to be a “normate?”” By this I mean – to myself – what is it like to live with the experience that one’s body moves relatively freely at one’s will. I have this question after a lifetime of experience that typical people do not easily understand what it is like to be me, a woman who at 59 years of age has the muscular strength of a 7 month old human child. People think I cannot move. In actuality I can move almost every part of my body to a tiny degree but these movements are mostly imperceptible to anyone but me.

I have led a life that includes many of the same trials and successes of any middle class Canadian single woman and so I easily discount the gulf of experience between me and a similar but walking woman. However my mission is to establish a valued position in society for those of us with atypical bodies, emotions, perceptions and cognitions – those of us labeled disabled – and so I struggle to communicate to “normates” what our experiences and contributions are.

A few years ago it dawned on me that I spoke to typical people as if they were like me and that perhaps I was discounting a perceptual difference that so skewed the interpretations of what I was saying that I could not be understood if I did not fundamentally shift my message. So my question was born – “What is it like to be a “normate””?

I fully acknowledge that the question cannot lead to a valid conclusion, at least as long as I keep on trying to answer it centred in my own biases. Just the same, I feel enticed by it, perhaps out of a semi-suppressed annoyance at the hegemony of thought, organization and control of resources enjoyed by “able-bodied” people at this time. Let me objectify “them” as much as “they” objectify me!

Back to yesterday’s post – I awoke today to the thought that the last ten days of trailer travel, living and working with Gabor and Erin have given me a “carnal” experience that has previously be unattainable for me. To repeat some of yesterday’s thoughts:
- we live in a small space, in a semi-tropical marshy location, and so are continuously exposed to the physical stimulations of smell, dirt, various alarms for propane, electricity, etc., bodies in contact, flies and bugs of all sorts, warmth and cold, unusual accents, and more;
- Erin and Gabor express their relationship in a physical and teasing way, not just in the trailer but at any time in public, beyond the typical boundaries I am accustomed to;
- Gabor, as my chief and often only personal assistant, has unusual strength. This is of course a very important gift considering all he has to accomplish everyday for the next six months. For example he can sit me up from lying flat in bed by simply grasping the back of my neck and lifting. On the one hand this is giving me an unusual capacity. On the other it throws off every rhythm and routine I have established since I first started having personal assistants 40 years ago. As a result I am frequently on edge, just as I was when I was six and my four year old brother drew extreme pleasure from creeping up behind me and screaming in my ear.

I realized over the last few days that I am utterly unused to so much stimulation in and from my body. I am also unfamiliar with the distraction of so much physicality. Just getting through a day of washing, dressing, eating, warming up or cooling down, going to the bathroom, being enthralled by wondrous birds and beaches, and engaging and disengaging from the personal dynamics is as much as I can and want to do.

Steiner and Anthroposophists, the spiritual group that gave rise to Camphill, talk of the incarnation of the etheric body as a significant developmental stage that occurs when we are about 7 years old. They say that a person who has a large head relative to their body, as I do, may have an incompletely incarnated etheric body. I googled the etheric and physical bodies, to discover that some believe that while the physical body is not the source of thought, emotion and experience, being in the physical body is required to fully grow from these processes.

In this model being a person such as myself would give me a clear sense that thought, emotion and experience are not individual, but I would struggle to fully “incorporate” my understanding into my own development and into the world’s evolution. Being a “normate” would give one an edge on development and evolution but could give one the misimpression that one is alone and is the centre and driver of one’s thought, emotion and experience.

So that’s what’s going on – perhaps! I have a mission, but I need to both incarnate more myself in order to get the lessons I am looking for at this time and I am learning to have understanding and compassion for those who are so much in the “carnal” circumstance that they are in a sense fascinated by it and do not fully realize how much more they are than their own physical bodies.

As to the other question I have been reflecting on: “How will I know when the conversation about the peace engendering capacity of Inclusion is permanently rooted in our culture?” – after speaking about it today with Gabor, I realize that the first step is to ask it of other people than myself. As long as it is my question only it isn’t going to get answered!

So at least today I am more willing to believe and feel that the World Peace through Inclusion Tour is still on track. I am learning and experiencing and being prepared to do this work with more effect.

Judith

Being on Tybee Island

First the weather – Google Weather is not a good source to get information on how to dress around here! Although Savannah and Tybee are so close and it’s easy for us to think of them as the same “location”, in fact they are very different communities, even in matters of temperature and precipitation. I am beginning to anticipate that the island general pattern is cool and clear at dawn, warm and clear mid- to late morning, warm and damp to drizzly by late afternoon, then an evening of heavy downpour. Near midnight it will be cool enough for a fall coat and misty over the river as it meets the still surging ocean. At this time of the just past full moon the bright mist on moonlit beach and dark waters is truly beautiful.

My body and my will are in conflict. Physically I am engaged, excited and enthralled. In the abrasive stimulation of living in cramped quarters with a young couple, very much in love and tease with each other, in a near tropical environment where sweat and flies are part of every day, where every daily ritual of bathing, using the toilet, cooking and eating still require careful management because everything is new and in strange places and every personal assistant and helpful friend is as yet unfamiliar with how my body works – in this abundant and often uncomfortable sensuality I am more in touch with how I physically and emotionally feel than I have been in years.

But the intention – the deep desire to start an unstoppable conversation that Inclusion can make people and the world more peaceful – at this level I feel off the rails, even thwarted. There are no traces currently of the Southern Collective for Inclusive Citizenship, a small collective that formed in March in Savannah and took on shape and action in April and June. The effort may be dead or just suppressed. It is difficult to tell as I am very welcome everywhere but few return e-mails and fewer initiate the conversation: “How has it been going since you were last here?”

In addition the economic downturn has hit this region strongly. It seems like a third of Tybee Island is up for sale and nearly every young person I meet is looking for more work or just some work.

It continues to be difficult for our team of three to get all the necessary equipment to work and to set up a good productive rhythm. I would have thought we would have at least one video up on our website or at least on YouTube, or some good pictures on Facebook, but some how either some fire wire is missing, or a program doesn’t work on the computer, or some other obstacle emerges. Certainly we will get it together soon – in the meantime my patience is thin. I want real evidence that we are actually DOING something!

Just the same, in reality things are percolating. Last night we were participating in the audience as two women and two teenagers sang songs and read poetry and stories from the Civil Rights movement. We caught some of it on video, along with an interview with the performers and the event organizer. Several leads were also created, and I have several leads to follow up – perhaps persistently – with some church connections and at least two opportunities to meet with active youth organizations.

We are broke. As yet this is not a crisis as I had anticipated digging into the liquidated equity of selling my Toronto home, so I have room to move in this area. Still it’s difficult for us - like anyone - to be unsure of the next source of income. There are no familiar contractors leaping forward to hire my time and no obvious grant sources. We must dig deeper, work harder – or certainly hold the faith that this is good work and the means to do it will emerge. This has always been so in my life. Still my certainty is wavering.

I look forward to a day soon to come I hope where I can add pictures and video to my words and I can tell stories of young southern folk taking on Inclusion as a means to liberate their productiveness, happiness and community.

Judith

A Great Day!

For much of the time I have been living in Avalanche we have been inundated in our own disorder. Perhaps “inundated” is an unusual way to think of chaotic living, but I have often felt emotionally buried by things like:
- nearly everything from getting up to making a coffee taking a few minutes to several hours longer than I anticipated;
- moving from 3 full-time and 4 part-time personal assistants to one personal assistant and one videographer/office assistant;
- consciously not putting things like receipts away in an orderly way because there was no fixed place to put them;
- being unable for a both technical and support reasons to answer e-mails or make phone calls in a timely reliable fashion;
- having my wardrobe and other familiar and essential items divided in two places, or in storage for an anticipated move to Barrie; and,
- having the immediate environment change in size, shape and/or location, e.g. switching from my Dodge which had a ramp and wherein I sat beside the driver to my Ford (which has enough horsepower to tow Avalanche) which has a lift and wherein I sit behind the driver.

Today we made real progress in restoring an environment wherein I can become reliable once again. Not that everything is in place, but today we set up a mini-office in Avalanche and hired a back-up assistant to relieve Gabor.

All three of us noticeably relaxed!

Our first 36 hours or so on Tybee have been magical. I can hardly wait until we can post pictures. This place is truly beautiful, and though I am heartily glad that it has not been discovered by the uppity tourist class, I can’t understand why there aren’t private clubs and hotels on every square inch of the beach. The environment is shaped by the Atlantic Ocean mingling with verdant marsh mingling with the Bull and Savannah Rivers plus other minor waterways. I expect this bioregion is unique, or at least it is like nothing I have ever encountered or imagined before I first truly met it last January.

Last night our hosts threw an oyster roast for us and two other out-of-town guests. Like Tybee itself an oyster roast combines a number of cooking styles and the mix is unexpectedly interesting. I must say though it would take many hours and many oysters to truly get a full meal so I was very happy that the pot luck included sausages, corn bread and other delicacies.

My calendar is beginning to fill up. I have meetings and performances to attend on each of the next three evenings, and I also have a new assistant to train. I begin to feel more like my “normal” busy self!

Warmly; Judith

Mountain Driving

After cleaning the trailer, disinfecting the storage tank for the first time, filling it, then packing up, we did not get away from Huntington Woods until 3:30pm. Our destination was Erin’s former boarding school, Oakhill Academy, in Virginia. She visited there last Tuesday, and voted there, and they offered us hospitality in turn for a short speech to be given in church tomorrow, Sunday. We did not expect to get there in one day’s trip, and indeed we didn’t. After struggling through rush hour, construction traffic in Detroit, we ultimately pulled up near the Ohio/West Virginia boarder outside of a museum/gift shop/tourist centre.

I spent part of the morning taping my thoughts about Micah and his impact on his community for Janice, Micah’s mother. Later, while still in the van, I did another interview for an internet radio show. The interviewer focused on topics she had picked up from my bio, and various articles she found on the internet. We had a great chat, interrupted only once when we lost cell signal in a rural area. Soon we will be able to tell you where to find both interviews.

It didn’t exactly say “no parking” so we took the liberty of hitching our power cord to the external outlet of the gift shop. So with a full storage tank we were set for water and with a “borrowed” electric power source we did not have to depend on our back-up battery to run Bradley, my nighttime ventilator. We were all set – we thought.

Three things were not exactly in our favour. Unbeknownst to Gabor he had left the black water exhaust valve open when he had emptied the body waste tank at the Flying “J”. Secondly our pad was on a distinct lateral slant. Thirdly, in an effort to level the trailer, Gabor had lowered the trailer legs as usual but one had broken at the tip where the crank is inserted and so he had not been able to get it down fully.

About 3/4 way through our already shortened morning routine a state trouper knocked on our door. He asked us to move on in a very friendly way, and then both he and Gabor discovered the gaff. About the volume of 4 trips to the john had run out onto the pavement. Its presence was made obvious by the green foam which results from the chemical that one puts down the toilet to promote breakdown of solids.

Gabor scrambled apologetically to wash away the dump, and struggled in vain for a good while to get the broken leg retracted. In the meantime the trooper called CAA to see if help could be found and looked around for a vice grip to see if we could turn the broken shaft. Ultimately Erin and Gabor figured out how to get the weight of the leg and then Gabor could be turned by hand and raised into travelling position.

While all this was going on the trooper took an interest in my chair and other things and revealed that he has a 14 year old son with Spina Bifita. We told him about our tour and our blog and he was quite interested.

The rest of the trip went smoothly albeit the driving became more and more challenging as Oakhill Academy is deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. We arrived in time for dinner, and are going to get to bed at a decent hour!

I have been able to share 3 times in 24 hours about inclusion and world peace. Each opportunity arose in an unexpected way. This makes me feel even more certainty that travelling slowly, near people, in a way that allows for personal conversation is indeed a powerful way to get this important message across.

Judith

Late One Night
It's after 11:00 PM – again. It always seems like I don't get around to the most important things until late. Long nights make for later starts in the morning, and the day drags on and then it's late again when I get to write the blog.

We are sitting around catching up, trying to store hours of video, kibitzing with Micah and comfortably hanging out. Tomorrow we will leave from Detroit and continue to Oak Hill Academy, Virginia where Erin went to high school. We will hook-up for a night, then continue to Tybee Beach.

Yesterday's meeting in front of Oakland's Board of Trustees was moving, disturbing and hopeful. The Trustees were as insensitive as any group of fascists could muster. People who had been given 5 minutes to speak were told they had 2. The meeting was slated for 2 hours and was abruptly adjourned after 90 minutes. The last speaker, who was given as much time as she wanted, as head of university housing clearly articulated the deeply held prejudice against Micah and all students similarly classified as "cognitively impaired". They are welcome to come and socialize, participate in activities that benefited them, even pay tuition for courses. They are NOT welcome to be students, and as such – second class participants – they are NOT welcome in the dormitories.

This statement came on the heels of dozens of heartfelt if truncated statements. The room was packed. The security guards had opened an overflow room and it was packed too. Remarkably each speaker expressed a unique perspective. It was not that several students got up to say similar things. Dozens of people spoke representing the issue from the perspective of fellow day students, more mature night students, international students who had been allowed in the dorm, student politicians, politically active people with disabilities, social workers who had followed Micah and his family for years, others who supported inclusion on other campuses, and on. Gradually it dawned on me that together the statement represented a uniquely wholistic community – a community built by Micah's many contributions to the people around him.
Afterwards 35 students, and others, gathered to debrief. The atmosphere was jovial and spirited. I was left with no doubt that the student body of Oakland U would have no other outcome then that Micah and other labeled students would be fully welcomed. Some students encouraged Micah to pack his stuff because he would soon be moving in.

I was once again privileged to witness the kind of peaceful energy that emerges in a truly inclusive situation. People were angry annd they were inspired and energized by each other and the clear discrimination they had witnessed and faced. Yet this anger and this energy were being expressed and lived in deepening relationships, humour and mutual support, and creative and thoughtful commitments to get the changes Micah needs.

Today has been a quieter, more reflective day. I am encouraged by these hopeful beginnings – Obama's victory and Micah's day of witness. We have drawn close to the Fialka-Feldman family. We have been nurtured in hospitality.

The World Peace through Inclusion is off to a blessed beginning.



Warmly;

Judith Snow

An Historic Moment

Gabor and I are sitting in a cozy house in Huntington Heights, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit. Actually, Gabor isn’t sitting. He is ironing a shirt for me to wear at Oakland U., Michigan. I will be one of about 20 people speaking tomorrow to the Board of Trustees on behalf of Micah Fialka-Feldman.

Micah is a student who is an avid and active Democratic student leader. His parents are both community and political activists so perhaps it’s in his blood. Tonight we attended the Democratic party to celebrate with them and Michigan as the USA both elected its first Afro-American President and put in a breakthrough number of women senators and congress(wo)men. I feel extraordinarily privileged to be witness and participant. My participation consisted of assisting Erin to return to her home state so she could vote Democratic in a swing state, Virginia. It made a difference.

At the moment I am writing this crowds are chanting “Yes we can”. The world is at an extremely low ebb, but there is nothing people cannot do. Finally, it seems that we have not just a leader but also grassroot energy arising everywhere in the world to organize ourselves as gifted people and communities in order to make great lives available to all alive now and in the future on this planet.

Micah has been refused entrance to the dormitory of Oakland U. The excuse is that he is not following a degree program. He is following an adjusted schedule so that he can accommodate his learning challenges.

Since the refusal students, politicians, and many others have written and rallied to Micah’s support. This has been Micah’s victory. He has rallied and raised the consciousness of countless young students. Regardless of how the Trustees respond Micah knows he has made a difference.

When I heard of the opportunity to speak to the Trustees tomorrow I couldn’t imagine a better beginning to the World Peace through Inclusion Tour than to come and speak on behalf and beside my brother in gifted citizenship.

Well it has already been better than I could imagine. Today we visited a burnt out area of Detroit, called the Heidelberg Project, that has been reclaimed by artists and urban farmers who are also part of a regeneration of economy and community led by ordinary people in this city. One of the original leader artists, Tyree Guyton, spoke with me and we shared our visions. In response he painted one of his famous spots, a white circle reminiscent of a moon, on my van.

This gave me an idea for an organizing principle for the Tour. At each encounter I will ask local artists to paint an image of community or peace on Bronte or Avalanche.

I must keep this short – it’s well past midnight. It has been truly an historic and marvelous day.

Love; Judith

The Day after my 59th Birthday

It was very sunny and warmed a little today. This is in steep contrast to the two previous days which were marked by blustery winds, 3 inches of snow and below freezing temperatures at night. As I went to bed last night we noticed that there were large strips of condensation on the ceiling and patches of moisture in some of the side wall cupboards. My supposition is that the outside skin of Avalanche is thin or there are seams in these places, creating an extra cold line or patch, thus encouraging moisture to condense just in these areas. These trailers are not really designed for winter use - all the more reason to get south as soon as possible. And, yes, as soon as feasible, Gabor or some other willing person will get on top of Avalanche and see if some extra sealant is required.

Speaking of willing helpers, there has been a gradual and significant “warming” to us and our needs on the part of Camphillers at Nottawasaga. At first we were treated very differently in the two communities, yet it seemed difficult in both to ask for much in either place.

People at Sophia Creek have always been very generous in many ways, and at the same time their capacity to offer direct personal support remains limited. This is not a complaint. People are enormously generous and at the same time everyone in both communities is networked into a complex set of tasks and relationships that ensure everyone can live interesting and valuable social and work lives. They are very busy indeed.

Camphill Nottawasaga is both a farming establishment and heavily overlaid with a structure for “serving” the “handicapped” which is typical of agencies receiving government funding. Unlike Sophia Creek people have more rigid job descriptions and reporting structures. It is worthy of exploration as to how the one group can be so much more flexible than the other!

Anyway, when we arrived in August many people in Camphill Nottawasaga just didn’t know where and how to fit us in. We were welcomed and along with this welcome came a request that is typical of institutionalized settings for me to affirm that Gabor had been police checked and CPR trained, and to give a date by which I would be leaving. It has been a continuous source of amusement and leverage for me to be both a “companion” and a “volunteer” – in Camphill parlance - making it impossible for forks to “peg” either Gabor or I and giving people a chance to truly meet us.

Within the last ten days or so people have been warming to us on a personal level. Basically this means it is much easier both to ask for and to give support. The warming process started with Leah and Christos, who in August were the first to visit the trailer, asking respectively to come to dinner and to share coffee. Now we have been invited to dinner and lunch several times in the houses, consulted on local issues, invited to evening ping pong and given considerable help in shopping and renovation, even some personal assistance. All this is wonderful for me, and for Gabor. I am certain it is also wonderful for community members, as we all find our way around the more rigid structures.

Yesterday’s birthday party was magical. Weather had been awful and many people sick in Camphill Sophia Creek. Ken had come up around noon, bringing Erin who could only stay less than a day. No other Toronto friends could come. It seemed like it would be a small party.

In the midst of shifting things around to make more room in Avalanche, to stabilize the bed and to create a small working office, Erin and I made rice pudding for the potluck and Gabor set up his sound system and mixer. When we returned to Novalis for dinner it had been transformed into a Halloween setting with candles and pumpkins. The dinner was sumptuous and many “companions” came dressed as bunnies, princesses, devils and ghosts. Speeches and presents flowed and I was warmly gifted and honoured.

Though many went on to another party that had been scheduled by their usual bowling league, a few stayed and as Gabor cranked up the mixer the dancing began. “Companions” dance in their own way, to an inner rhythm, as do I within the possibilities of a powerful wheelchair and a smooth floor in a large room with exceptional acoustics. The scene took on the presence that I have been longing for since my early years. Here I could dance in my own way, and be both the “normal” and “crippled” me, perfectly myself. Here I am home where the strange and usual are all appreciated.

Towards 8 pm there were only 3 of us left, and Ken, who had missed the potluck, showed up with his dog Max. Erin napped, Gabor mixed and Ken, Max and I danced.

Later I returned to Avalanche to find that Ken had transformed even the “smaller” details of my space. Together we hung decorations, hid wires and cleaned things up until, in the morning, when I awoke at 6:30 to Ken getting up to return to Toronto, my little trailer felt like my true, luxurious, travelling home.

As I lay awake for awhile longer I became aware of a strong sense of grief. Having been immersed now for several weeks in the intimate soup made of living closely with 26 “companions”, and the stress, disruptions and rearrangements coming from the three of us – Gabor, Erin and I – establishing our own relationships and leaving our homes, I looked to see if this sense of grief was truly my own or a reflection from others. It is mine.

I am not unhappy. I am present to the disconnection I have brought onto myself in order to follow a vision. I have given up the city that I thought would be my address for all my adult life. I have left the reliable connection of a home phone and stable internet. I have left my familiar assistants, and the back-up list of those I can count on, and the third layer of those I would reach out to when things got weird. I have left my aged father, in so many ways my friend, mentor and support, for at least six months and possibly forever. I have left the empowering discipline of regular assisting with the Landmark Wisdom City Team. And I have left so many friends who have wished me well in following my dream, and who, like Ken, in the last moment have shown in so many little and big ways that they want me in their lives.

This is a strange and lovely grief. It makes me feel very real and solid. It lets me know that I have a task ahead of me that I want to carry out well, so that the whole sacrifice - my own and so many others - will be worth the cost.

Judith

The Day Before My 59th Birthday

I have not left Avalanche today. It was a “rest day” which means I intentionally stay in bed until mid-to-late afternoon in order to give my body a horizontal break. Beyond that snow fell in the morning and it has been blustery all day. Staying wrapped in blankets and shawls made a lot of sense.

Gabor and I spent lots of time talking. Erin will join us tomorrow. We have been encountering no end of minor to significant difficulties – everything from two of the camping chairs breaking through to Erin’s new landlord selling the house out from under her son and his live-in supporter less than two months after she signed a year’s lease. We can replace the chairs and no doubt Erin will find a way to keep her son’s home in place for the duration of the tour. But to some extent each obstacle causes us to reevaluate why we are doing this and what would make us stop or turn back.

Not the least irritant has been the intermittent availability of the internet. Camphill Nottawasaga has wireless that is set up in the office and networked to various houses on the property. We are next to Raventree, in the parking lot of Novalis Hall, and can easily pick up wireless from either the main office or two of the houses. However connecting to wireless does not necessarily mean that you are connected to the internet, it seems. Who knew? Storms knock out the internet around here, and one has to wait until someone resets things in the morning. Since Friday I have been able to get online only twice, and for limited periods. I don’t know when I will actually get to post this to the blog.

Yesterday I held a conversation with a group of about fifteen people in Novalis Hall. The topic was Social Intimacy. Soon I will write an essay on the topic, so I will not go into detail at this time. Basically I talked about the gift that many people who are considered to be disabled bring which is making present a level of intimacy that increases the whole community’s capacity to accomplish its intentions. In an era where whole societies are trying to move away from hierarchical and institutional structures of organization, social intimacy is essential in having people able to work cooperatively. Certain people are not gifted in the areas of thinking and doing and so do not shine in typical societal structures. However their capacity to raise others‘ effectiveness makes their presence and participation fundamentally important.

This sort of contribution is the heart of the message that World Peace is available through Inclusion. One of the frequently reported outcomes of intentional inclusion is a greater capacity for peace and cooperation.

I will be giving a similar presentation and holding a follow-up discussion on Friday, after lunch at Derek’s Café, 15 Parkside in Barrie. If you can make it, you are welcome!

Tomorrow, Wednesday October 29, is my 59th birthday. We are having a potluck and dance at Novalis Hall, starting at 5 PM. Come if you can.

Love; Judith

Very First Days

This is my first blog and I am unsure about the “how to’s”. If I don’t post this correctly I am sure Erin Socall, who set this up for me and for the World Peace through Inclusion, will sort me out.

Gabor Podor, my personal assistant for the Tour, and I are now in Avalanche for 6 to 7 months. Avalanche is the “toy hauler” type of trailer we will be traveling in. We are currently parked at Camphill Nottawasaga, http://www.camphill.on.ca/Nottawasaga, north of Alliston, ON. It's supposed to snow on Tuesday. That will be a new adventure for us. I packed a snow shovel. Also they offered us a room at 15 Parkside in Barrie if it gets too bleak!

Erin Socall, tour videographer, blogger and Gabor’s partner, arrives on Wednesday. We leave Camphill on Sunday. We will will go to Detroit and be present for this historic US election.

The following Wednesday I am speaking at Oakland U, Michigan, in support of Micha Fialka-Feldman, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tjtkcV4n2k, who has been refused entrance to the dorm because he needs support to attend class and is taking a reduced load and is not currently trying to get a degree. Micah will have dozens speaking on his behalf, once again showing the powerful relationship and community building capacity that supported individuals often exemplify.

After that we will head straight to Savannah and Tybee Beach. By Nov. 10 I will be beginning my talks and community meetings there. I will keep people posted throught this blog.

If you are up to celebrating my birthday on Wednesday evening with me we are having a potluck and Gabor, known in the music world as Spazzmonk, will be DJ'ing until the wee hours in Novalis Hall, at Camphill Nottawasaga. RSVP

Love; Judith

Fundraiser

You are cordially invited

to attend

World Peace through Inclusion Tour Fund Raiser

23 October, 2008

Oro Cafe

171 East Liberty St

Toronto, Ontario

Doors open at 7:00 pm

$20 per person at the door

Appetizers for all to enjoy

cash bar

entertainment includes:

House of David Gang

The Stables

spazzmonk

DJ Apricot

Please bring your friends and family to this event – a great time for a great cause!

Silent auction will commence with art from Ken Gangbar Studio (www.kengangbar.com), weekend getaway with Village Inn of Lakefield (www.villageinn.ca), Toy Basket from POP! Events, massages from The Sage Clinic (www.sageclinic.ca) and much, much more.

Donation information to the silent auction or the World Peace through Inclusion Tour, please read the attached .pdf or contact Erin Socall (details below).

other donations accepted through www.communitycave.com and www.lasereagles.org

For more information, press release or media please contact Erin Socall erinsocall@hotmail.com or 647 822 2523

by Judith Snow

I have been deeply interested since my childhood in the reality that people who are considered to be “disabled” are vulnerable to being treated as if they are not really citizens, and often as if they are not really human. My interest was born from my own experience with life long quadriplegia. It has been nurtured by decades of experience in hearing stories of the rich contributions that people who are labeled with developmental disability and autism are making.

In short, in the mid-‘90’s I realized that educational research, and other more anecdotal evidence, points to a connection between full inclusion of people of all abilities and communities becoming more peaceful. I gradually decided that I am in the unique position of fostering a world peace discussion based on the social contribution that people with disabilities make – in a very unrecognized way.

I have spent a lot of my adult life working to sustain a stable life in Toronto, and be the inclusion gypsy, travelling from place to place, on weekends and holidays. About two years ago it became clear to me that the job part of that scenario exhausted and limited me and that primarily I was working to keep a house and a job when I really want to “get the word out”. I began to dream about living in a trailer and traveling slowly from community to community throughout North America, talking to and working with people who were excited about living in a world that loves diversity. This crazy idea kept meeting with the sort of respect that let me know others could imagine it too. In time I began to research and put the many pieces and people in place.

In August I bought an old wheelchair accessible van – Bronte, that has the capacity to tow a ton and I moved into my new to me trailer – Avalanche.

My intention is to park Avalanche in Savannah early in November. I will stay for at least a month, hopefully three. My general plan is to work with the Southern Collective for Inclusive Citizenship (SCIC) along with doing some traveling and speaking in and around Georgia. The SCIC was formed in February of 2008 in response to a number of talks I gave in Georgia about valuable contributions people who are labeled make toward making us peaceful.

In the spring I will go west and north, connecting to other groups in Arizona, Oregon, British Columbia, Alberta and Manitoba. I intend to be in Toronto by the end of May.

The World Peace through Inclusion tour will be documented through video and other media.