Playing My Own Script

First, I will write about what’s been accomplished this week lest any readers are getting bored with my personal reflections and angst.

Wednesday David got me up early and Gabor and I set out for the Equal Opportunities facility, near Ogeechee and Anderson, in Savannah. By now we are getting reasonably familiar with the roads and we arrived on time, at 9:00 AM. I was tempted to call Tom Kohler, who has never seen me show my face before 11:00 AM just to tell him that miracles do happen, but we were quickly caught up in creating Plan B and Plan C, and the thought slipped my mind.

The event was advertised as a day to honour grandparents who were raising their grandchildren because the birth parents were absent, working or incapacitated in some way. I was working for free, or at least for breakfast, as a way to get the World Peace through Inclusion message out and because the main organizer, Gladys Cohen, has invited me to do a paid gig in March.

Breakfast was late in arriving, there was no coffee, no LED projector until the last moment, and the volunteers who were giving hand massages and manicures were in the same room as breakfast and the caroling – and the presentations - so when it came time for me to speak I definitely felt that I was working uphill.

Gladys cut me off before the end of my presentation but I didn’t really mind because I felt I had made my points as best as possible anyway in that chaotic space. Soon afterward a woman sought me out, gave me her contact information and took our card, and expressed how much she had gotten from my talk. Once again I realized that one never really knows what one is doing!

Since a beauty salon was represented that morning among the spa volunteers I requested and received a coupon for a free hair cut. It’s something I badly need and can’t afford right now. At the end of the morning Gladys asked me how much my presentation was worth. I set a lower fee but she insisted it was worth $5,000. It seems that her program needs to report a certain value of time and services contributed “in-kind” to keep their state funding. I was amused to realize that I am about to receive a $5,000 hair cut, and that Gladys has now told me how much I should charge for my conference presentation in March!

A few hours later I joined a small group of citizen advocates (see http://www.savannahcitizenadvocacy.org/index.htm) to reflect on the recent death of a young man who passed away under compromised circumstances at a local nursing home. People had asked me to think through with them how they could be better prepared to notice that active negligence could be taking place, realize they had noticed, then act powerfully to curb the harm that is evident.

I was happy to support them, but in truth it required little input from me. They were eager to have the opportunity to share their experience, their regrets, their questions and resources. It really only required of me that I had been present about 10 days ago when one of the four sat down informally with me at “The Bean” and in the course of opening up to me realized how valuable it could be to get people together to talk – breaking the silence.

I am encouraged in my sense that where I want to be on this Tour is present.

This week Gabor also went to Atlanta to participate in the Landmark Forum. As many reading this blog know I have been a participant in and assistant with Landmark Education courses since May 1990. I remembered this week that the last time I was hospitalized with life threatening bronchitis was 2 ½ years after I took my first Landmark course. I credit my Landmark participation as a main source of mental and physical health, and an environment within which I have been able to hone my vision, intention and skills as a world peace activist and inclusive community developer.

Gabor has noticed and admired the strength that being a Landmartian (my term!) has given me and decided to have a go himself at the Landmark Forum. I am totally excited by this and will travel myself tomorrow to Atlanta to participate in the “graduate evening”. This is the part of the Landmark Forum where participants invite their graduated friends to share in the course with them for a few hours.

As thrilled as I am for Gabor, his absence put me as close to the edge of serious breakdown as I have been for years. Erin went home to be with her kids last Monday due to their support collapsing. Lara who said she could be here by Friday (yesterday) got stuck in Toronto. Chris, who was hired on the fly to replace David who got another gig that took him out of town Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon, called to back out at 2:00 PM on Thursday. But Chris was persuaded to hang in there for just enough time and with both of our hearts in our mouths I put Gabor on the bus at 6:30 PM Thursday. Tom Kohler stood by to be called in case Chris baled or David didn’t show.

It is now Saturday evening and Lara made it across the border and is due anytime between now and Sunday morning. Tom has been taken off emergency alert. Erin has been busily and successfully guiding from Toronto the emergency fundraising to pay for the assistance that my transfer payment agency won’t cover. Chris and I both went with David to his second gig, which was to video tape a stage performance of Aladdin put on by youngsters and teenagers at a well funded prep school in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

The production cost $30,000. The director used to be on Broadway and some of the theatrical effects were created by specially contracted Cirque du Soleil producers.

Maybe I’m just bent and jaded but I couldn’t help notice that there were only 3 black people in an audience of nearly 500, and one of them came with me. There was one kid in a motorized wheelchair in the cast, and his role was to zoom across the stage once. He didn’t show again, even for the last bow
.
(In case you wonder just how to authentically fit a kid in a motorized wheelchair into an Arabian Nights tale, they had an elephant on wheels built to escort the princess in at one point, and I can imagine that he could have driven it around quite effectively!)

This morning I awoke to lie staring at the ceiling of my trailer – Avalanche – which is little more than a large tin can lined with Styrofoam and whose thin walls and propane furnace protect me from the chilly, windy nights of Tybee Island. I was struck by how I had achieved exactly what I seek for others. Full, naked inclusion!

Now, at least temporarily abandoned by my transfer payment agency, I have no services in my life. Apart from the very real burden of having to raise a lot of money to cover staff salaries I am also free of agencies trying to create an unreal protective prison around me. I have been stripped both intentionally and by unexpected circumstances down to what I can create for myself and what those who believe in me and/or who care about me are willing and able to provide in order that I may continue to create my vision in the world. There is no pretense, no protection, no coddling, no barrier – and no limit to how far this message can reach!

I am standing up to the privilege and the challenge. I will be present at the final bow of this so much more ragged and so infinitely more interesting production. Cirque du Soleil, eat your heart out!

Judith