I started this five days ago and it was overdue then. I apologize to the regular readers. I hope this entry helps you realize just how chaotic life gets.
The Other End of the Rabbit Hole
Sometime around Dec. 15 I began to think that it was if I had fallen through the rabbit hole, and had come out the other side. (see Alice in Wonderland.) The thought gave me some comfort in that the image describes my impression that explaining life as it is now to people from my pre-Oct. 24 life is futile. The rules, context, landscape, relationships, expectations are qualitatively different and the Red Queen just has no time or inclination to orient me or anyone else to this very different world.
Being on the other side does not confer any great sense that I can bridge two worlds and act as some ambassador or interpreter, Quite the contrary I can barely remember how I used to understand the world I came from. Memory fades for what having a home was, or what having a relatively ordered, predictably scheduled life was like. Although I can distinctly remember that I used to have certain concerns such as “how to create a professionally adequate Power Point presentation”, such things seem somewhat fabulous now as genuine pursuits.
Gabor completed the Landmark Forum last Tuesday, in Atlanta. As part of the process I travelled to Atlanta, a journey almost as mythic for me as travelling from Nazareth to Jerusalem in order to be registered by the Romans for tax collection purposes – the journey that brought the Christ child to his manger. Atlanta is a modern, crime infested, inhuman, racist city, yet through the set of people Gabor shared with and the requests I put out for an inexpensive place to stay and some money to pay expenses, David, Gabor and I lived for 5 days in a communal land based, child centred, car free community. As days progressed I found myself surrounded by happy, helpful, diverse and spiritual people who live to give each other a hand when needed, share their resources and carefully, intentionally interface with the bleak modern world within which they are imbedded.
It is practically obvious that women – even women of my age – gain a certain power, centredness and grace in such an environment. But I was most struck by how the men all seemed to have gained the space to be peaceful, creative and vulnerable in a very simple manner. I saw three men at work building a house with tools no more sophisticated than a battery powered hand drill. I watched as they constructed solid scaffolding out of simple pieces, figured ways to paint and assemble complex geometries, and communicate and move around each other’s different thinking/building processes apparently without the need for bosses, regulations or power struggles. The resulting house is immeasurably more beautiful than the ubiquitous urban architecture.
I was stranded one afternoon with work to do on my computer, a failed puff/sip interface, and no familiar personal assistant with me. I requested the assistance of one of the young residents of the house and quickly realized that his eyes were weak enough that he had to hold his face within two inches of the laptop screen. Yet he calmly followed my words and expressed no frustration, doubt or ego as we went through the minutely detailed process of accessing where the failure lay in the interface and then rebuilt the required code set. Within 15 minutes we had the interface working and he went about his business as if he had done nothing more complex than make a cup of tea. I met another man who simply did not hide that nearly continuous consumption of alcohol is a part of his life. On the one hand he can not sit or stand with others in a typical conversation more than a few seconds; on the other he keeps the history of the community alive, keeps the art and meeting spaces vibrant and functional, and has a knack of being present when a particular word or task is required.
Gabor and I were welcomed to present in this space and although we had only 3 days to set up and advertise about 14 people came and the level of listening and discussion was quite deep. It was exactly the sort of encounter where from beginning of the thought through production and inviting, to presenting the vision of world peace through inclusion and receiving the feedback and moving into dialogue and thoughts of future actions, the entire process was marked in respectful responsive engagement.
I practically moved to Atlanta on the spot. Cooler thought of course revealed that we are not in an either/or situation. There is room in the World Peace through Inclusion Tour for activity in Tybee, Savannah and Atlanta. Life gains complexity!
Back in Avalanche, the near Christmas season brought Gabor and I the opportunity to present to three members of the First Presbyterian Church and five college students who are at US universities, but originate from China or Japan. These young women are living over winter break at the retreat house attached to the church building and run by the congregation.
We finally got a good video of a presentation, marred only by the fact that I have a sore throat and went through two coughing fits. The girls were unprepared for our conversation but seemed to warm to the stories and dreams. Once again I felt that we “on the ground” and that everyone present would take some meaningful appreciation for inclusion and diversity away with them after the afternoon.
In the meantime there have been other dramatic moments in the personal assistance, financing and team work of the Tour. More in a soon to come posting.
Judith
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tonight!
Presenting an open forum led by
Judith Snow and Gabor Podor
in partnership with SoulShine and the Hearth Community
We are from Toronto Canada on a journey to host conversations about inclusion and diversity
Participate in an opportunity to expand
peace making capacity in our communities
Wednesday December 17th, 7pm
317 Nelms Avenue at the Hearth
(for map go to: www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com)
Donations at the Door
Judith Snow is an internationally renowned community developer and inclusion activist. Gabor Podor is a community festival organizer and DJ extraordinaire. For details of the World Peace through Inclusion Tour see:
www.peaceforinclusion.blogspot.com
Judith Snow and Gabor Podor
in partnership with SoulShine and the Hearth Community
We are from Toronto Canada on a journey to host conversations about inclusion and diversity
Participate in an opportunity to expand
peace making capacity in our communities
Wednesday December 17th, 7pm
317 Nelms Avenue at the Hearth
(for map go to: www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com)
Donations at the Door
Judith Snow is an internationally renowned community developer and inclusion activist. Gabor Podor is a community festival organizer and DJ extraordinaire. For details of the World Peace through Inclusion Tour see:
www.peaceforinclusion.blogspot.com
Monday, December 15, 2008
A Weepy Moment
Perhaps this isn’t the best moment to write in the blog. I’m hungry, there’s someone’s sentimental music playing nearby and – I’m not cold! (We’re in Atlanta where there is an unusual warm spell happening!)
Gabor participated in the Landmark Forum this weekend. Many of my stresses have melted as I realize what a strong foundation I have in his renewed, now fully intentional commitment to BE my personal assistant. I am tired with the tired that comes from relief after a long, hard march. And I am joyful.
As can only ultimately be explained as a mystery, but yet has happened again and again to me when I or a friend of mine has participated in the Landmark Forum, the tide of my future and present has turned forcefully. Many have joined “the cause” – a Facebook fundraising strategy, while I have been promised an early honorarium cheque from Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy.
Gabor shared in the Landmark Forum about the World Peace through Inclusion Tour, and now we are preparing over 200 cards to hand out to willing recipients tomorrow night as he completes his final session.
Gabor met a woman, Sharon, in the Landmark Forum who has offered us free accommodations in Atlanta, in the heart of an intentional community that offers peace generating education to children and refuge to animals, artists and aging hippies. This community – The Hearth, (http://www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com) – feels like home!
Over the weekend Erin and Bill Worrell, coordinator of my circle, took on the transfer payment agency, and actually have worked out a mutual strategy that may get the wage money flowing again.
DeKalb Atlanta Citizen Advocacy coordinator and her assistant also offered shelter, and are participating in inviting participants to a discussion led by Gabor and I about creating peace in community, organized today, and to be held this Wednesday evening.
So in a matter of five days the finances are turning around, hundreds have heard or soon will hear the message of world peace through inclusion, my own circle is stepping up and I am back in the bosom of Landmark Education graduates, the only community in which I have ever felt free.
I am experiencing a sense of power that has been missing for many, many weeks.
Judith
Gabor participated in the Landmark Forum this weekend. Many of my stresses have melted as I realize what a strong foundation I have in his renewed, now fully intentional commitment to BE my personal assistant. I am tired with the tired that comes from relief after a long, hard march. And I am joyful.
As can only ultimately be explained as a mystery, but yet has happened again and again to me when I or a friend of mine has participated in the Landmark Forum, the tide of my future and present has turned forcefully. Many have joined “the cause” – a Facebook fundraising strategy, while I have been promised an early honorarium cheque from Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy.
Gabor shared in the Landmark Forum about the World Peace through Inclusion Tour, and now we are preparing over 200 cards to hand out to willing recipients tomorrow night as he completes his final session.
Gabor met a woman, Sharon, in the Landmark Forum who has offered us free accommodations in Atlanta, in the heart of an intentional community that offers peace generating education to children and refuge to animals, artists and aging hippies. This community – The Hearth, (http://www.thehearthcommunitycenter.com) – feels like home!
Over the weekend Erin and Bill Worrell, coordinator of my circle, took on the transfer payment agency, and actually have worked out a mutual strategy that may get the wage money flowing again.
DeKalb Atlanta Citizen Advocacy coordinator and her assistant also offered shelter, and are participating in inviting participants to a discussion led by Gabor and I about creating peace in community, organized today, and to be held this Wednesday evening.
So in a matter of five days the finances are turning around, hundreds have heard or soon will hear the message of world peace through inclusion, my own circle is stepping up and I am back in the bosom of Landmark Education graduates, the only community in which I have ever felt free.
I am experiencing a sense of power that has been missing for many, many weeks.
Judith
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Playing My Own Script
First, I will write about what’s been accomplished this week lest any readers are getting bored with my personal reflections and angst.
Wednesday David got me up early and Gabor and I set out for the Equal Opportunities facility, near Ogeechee and Anderson, in Savannah. By now we are getting reasonably familiar with the roads and we arrived on time, at 9:00 AM. I was tempted to call Tom Kohler, who has never seen me show my face before 11:00 AM just to tell him that miracles do happen, but we were quickly caught up in creating Plan B and Plan C, and the thought slipped my mind.
The event was advertised as a day to honour grandparents who were raising their grandchildren because the birth parents were absent, working or incapacitated in some way. I was working for free, or at least for breakfast, as a way to get the World Peace through Inclusion message out and because the main organizer, Gladys Cohen, has invited me to do a paid gig in March.
Breakfast was late in arriving, there was no coffee, no LED projector until the last moment, and the volunteers who were giving hand massages and manicures were in the same room as breakfast and the caroling – and the presentations - so when it came time for me to speak I definitely felt that I was working uphill.
Gladys cut me off before the end of my presentation but I didn’t really mind because I felt I had made my points as best as possible anyway in that chaotic space. Soon afterward a woman sought me out, gave me her contact information and took our card, and expressed how much she had gotten from my talk. Once again I realized that one never really knows what one is doing!
Since a beauty salon was represented that morning among the spa volunteers I requested and received a coupon for a free hair cut. It’s something I badly need and can’t afford right now. At the end of the morning Gladys asked me how much my presentation was worth. I set a lower fee but she insisted it was worth $5,000. It seems that her program needs to report a certain value of time and services contributed “in-kind” to keep their state funding. I was amused to realize that I am about to receive a $5,000 hair cut, and that Gladys has now told me how much I should charge for my conference presentation in March!
A few hours later I joined a small group of citizen advocates (see http://www.savannahcitizenadvocacy.org/index.htm) to reflect on the recent death of a young man who passed away under compromised circumstances at a local nursing home. People had asked me to think through with them how they could be better prepared to notice that active negligence could be taking place, realize they had noticed, then act powerfully to curb the harm that is evident.
I was happy to support them, but in truth it required little input from me. They were eager to have the opportunity to share their experience, their regrets, their questions and resources. It really only required of me that I had been present about 10 days ago when one of the four sat down informally with me at “The Bean” and in the course of opening up to me realized how valuable it could be to get people together to talk – breaking the silence.
I am encouraged in my sense that where I want to be on this Tour is present.
This week Gabor also went to Atlanta to participate in the Landmark Forum. As many reading this blog know I have been a participant in and assistant with Landmark Education courses since May 1990. I remembered this week that the last time I was hospitalized with life threatening bronchitis was 2 ½ years after I took my first Landmark course. I credit my Landmark participation as a main source of mental and physical health, and an environment within which I have been able to hone my vision, intention and skills as a world peace activist and inclusive community developer.
Gabor has noticed and admired the strength that being a Landmartian (my term!) has given me and decided to have a go himself at the Landmark Forum. I am totally excited by this and will travel myself tomorrow to Atlanta to participate in the “graduate evening”. This is the part of the Landmark Forum where participants invite their graduated friends to share in the course with them for a few hours.
As thrilled as I am for Gabor, his absence put me as close to the edge of serious breakdown as I have been for years. Erin went home to be with her kids last Monday due to their support collapsing. Lara who said she could be here by Friday (yesterday) got stuck in Toronto. Chris, who was hired on the fly to replace David who got another gig that took him out of town Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon, called to back out at 2:00 PM on Thursday. But Chris was persuaded to hang in there for just enough time and with both of our hearts in our mouths I put Gabor on the bus at 6:30 PM Thursday. Tom Kohler stood by to be called in case Chris baled or David didn’t show.
It is now Saturday evening and Lara made it across the border and is due anytime between now and Sunday morning. Tom has been taken off emergency alert. Erin has been busily and successfully guiding from Toronto the emergency fundraising to pay for the assistance that my transfer payment agency won’t cover. Chris and I both went with David to his second gig, which was to video tape a stage performance of Aladdin put on by youngsters and teenagers at a well funded prep school in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
The production cost $30,000. The director used to be on Broadway and some of the theatrical effects were created by specially contracted Cirque du Soleil producers.
Maybe I’m just bent and jaded but I couldn’t help notice that there were only 3 black people in an audience of nearly 500, and one of them came with me. There was one kid in a motorized wheelchair in the cast, and his role was to zoom across the stage once. He didn’t show again, even for the last bow
.
(In case you wonder just how to authentically fit a kid in a motorized wheelchair into an Arabian Nights tale, they had an elephant on wheels built to escort the princess in at one point, and I can imagine that he could have driven it around quite effectively!)
This morning I awoke to lie staring at the ceiling of my trailer – Avalanche – which is little more than a large tin can lined with Styrofoam and whose thin walls and propane furnace protect me from the chilly, windy nights of Tybee Island. I was struck by how I had achieved exactly what I seek for others. Full, naked inclusion!
Now, at least temporarily abandoned by my transfer payment agency, I have no services in my life. Apart from the very real burden of having to raise a lot of money to cover staff salaries I am also free of agencies trying to create an unreal protective prison around me. I have been stripped both intentionally and by unexpected circumstances down to what I can create for myself and what those who believe in me and/or who care about me are willing and able to provide in order that I may continue to create my vision in the world. There is no pretense, no protection, no coddling, no barrier – and no limit to how far this message can reach!
I am standing up to the privilege and the challenge. I will be present at the final bow of this so much more ragged and so infinitely more interesting production. Cirque du Soleil, eat your heart out!
Judith
Wednesday David got me up early and Gabor and I set out for the Equal Opportunities facility, near Ogeechee and Anderson, in Savannah. By now we are getting reasonably familiar with the roads and we arrived on time, at 9:00 AM. I was tempted to call Tom Kohler, who has never seen me show my face before 11:00 AM just to tell him that miracles do happen, but we were quickly caught up in creating Plan B and Plan C, and the thought slipped my mind.
The event was advertised as a day to honour grandparents who were raising their grandchildren because the birth parents were absent, working or incapacitated in some way. I was working for free, or at least for breakfast, as a way to get the World Peace through Inclusion message out and because the main organizer, Gladys Cohen, has invited me to do a paid gig in March.
Breakfast was late in arriving, there was no coffee, no LED projector until the last moment, and the volunteers who were giving hand massages and manicures were in the same room as breakfast and the caroling – and the presentations - so when it came time for me to speak I definitely felt that I was working uphill.
Gladys cut me off before the end of my presentation but I didn’t really mind because I felt I had made my points as best as possible anyway in that chaotic space. Soon afterward a woman sought me out, gave me her contact information and took our card, and expressed how much she had gotten from my talk. Once again I realized that one never really knows what one is doing!
Since a beauty salon was represented that morning among the spa volunteers I requested and received a coupon for a free hair cut. It’s something I badly need and can’t afford right now. At the end of the morning Gladys asked me how much my presentation was worth. I set a lower fee but she insisted it was worth $5,000. It seems that her program needs to report a certain value of time and services contributed “in-kind” to keep their state funding. I was amused to realize that I am about to receive a $5,000 hair cut, and that Gladys has now told me how much I should charge for my conference presentation in March!
A few hours later I joined a small group of citizen advocates (see http://www.savannahcitizenadvocacy.org/index.htm) to reflect on the recent death of a young man who passed away under compromised circumstances at a local nursing home. People had asked me to think through with them how they could be better prepared to notice that active negligence could be taking place, realize they had noticed, then act powerfully to curb the harm that is evident.
I was happy to support them, but in truth it required little input from me. They were eager to have the opportunity to share their experience, their regrets, their questions and resources. It really only required of me that I had been present about 10 days ago when one of the four sat down informally with me at “The Bean” and in the course of opening up to me realized how valuable it could be to get people together to talk – breaking the silence.
I am encouraged in my sense that where I want to be on this Tour is present.
This week Gabor also went to Atlanta to participate in the Landmark Forum. As many reading this blog know I have been a participant in and assistant with Landmark Education courses since May 1990. I remembered this week that the last time I was hospitalized with life threatening bronchitis was 2 ½ years after I took my first Landmark course. I credit my Landmark participation as a main source of mental and physical health, and an environment within which I have been able to hone my vision, intention and skills as a world peace activist and inclusive community developer.
Gabor has noticed and admired the strength that being a Landmartian (my term!) has given me and decided to have a go himself at the Landmark Forum. I am totally excited by this and will travel myself tomorrow to Atlanta to participate in the “graduate evening”. This is the part of the Landmark Forum where participants invite their graduated friends to share in the course with them for a few hours.
As thrilled as I am for Gabor, his absence put me as close to the edge of serious breakdown as I have been for years. Erin went home to be with her kids last Monday due to their support collapsing. Lara who said she could be here by Friday (yesterday) got stuck in Toronto. Chris, who was hired on the fly to replace David who got another gig that took him out of town Thursday evening and Saturday afternoon, called to back out at 2:00 PM on Thursday. But Chris was persuaded to hang in there for just enough time and with both of our hearts in our mouths I put Gabor on the bus at 6:30 PM Thursday. Tom Kohler stood by to be called in case Chris baled or David didn’t show.
It is now Saturday evening and Lara made it across the border and is due anytime between now and Sunday morning. Tom has been taken off emergency alert. Erin has been busily and successfully guiding from Toronto the emergency fundraising to pay for the assistance that my transfer payment agency won’t cover. Chris and I both went with David to his second gig, which was to video tape a stage performance of Aladdin put on by youngsters and teenagers at a well funded prep school in Hilton Head, South Carolina.
The production cost $30,000. The director used to be on Broadway and some of the theatrical effects were created by specially contracted Cirque du Soleil producers.
Maybe I’m just bent and jaded but I couldn’t help notice that there were only 3 black people in an audience of nearly 500, and one of them came with me. There was one kid in a motorized wheelchair in the cast, and his role was to zoom across the stage once. He didn’t show again, even for the last bow
.
(In case you wonder just how to authentically fit a kid in a motorized wheelchair into an Arabian Nights tale, they had an elephant on wheels built to escort the princess in at one point, and I can imagine that he could have driven it around quite effectively!)
This morning I awoke to lie staring at the ceiling of my trailer – Avalanche – which is little more than a large tin can lined with Styrofoam and whose thin walls and propane furnace protect me from the chilly, windy nights of Tybee Island. I was struck by how I had achieved exactly what I seek for others. Full, naked inclusion!
Now, at least temporarily abandoned by my transfer payment agency, I have no services in my life. Apart from the very real burden of having to raise a lot of money to cover staff salaries I am also free of agencies trying to create an unreal protective prison around me. I have been stripped both intentionally and by unexpected circumstances down to what I can create for myself and what those who believe in me and/or who care about me are willing and able to provide in order that I may continue to create my vision in the world. There is no pretense, no protection, no coddling, no barrier – and no limit to how far this message can reach!
I am standing up to the privilege and the challenge. I will be present at the final bow of this so much more ragged and so infinitely more interesting production. Cirque du Soleil, eat your heart out!
Judith
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Donation Request
I posted the message below on Facebook tonight. Readers who are not on Facebook can respond by going to CAVE - www.communitycave.com, and following the links for the World Peace through Inclusion Tour.
"Erin has done a wonderful job of setting up a Facebook "cause" for our group, and our friends. I thought I would throw in my words as well, to set a context that I realize some may not know.
First, what is this World Peace through Inclusion thing?!?
I notice lately that there are many peace initiatives and that is GREAT. More and more people realize you can't fight for peace. They are creating different pathways to that goal. That's important because peace is wholistic, inner and social, experienced in mind, body, heart and relationships. Certainly peace is created and certainly there is more than one way to make it present.
For over twenty years I grew in understanding that when people take on the challenge of being inclusive - building relationships and community from diverse ability - they became more peaceful, almost as a by-product.
For most of that time I ignored what I was learning. Afterall I am an inclusionist, not a peace activist!
Finally, I have been confronted with what I know, what I want in the world, and my ultimate responsibility to say what I see. Inclusion can lead to World Peace.
And so I have sold my house, bought a trailer and accessible van, and set off to figure out how to get this simple, important vision planted in the world.
First stop is Savannah, and there we have stayed for complex reasons. Please read the blog for details.
In the meantime - and here comes message #2 - various potential sources of income to sustain Erin - the publicist, Gabor - the personal assistant/roadie, and myself - the spokesperson - the $$ sources are slow to come through. Chief of these is the source of Gabor's wages, and he is currently working for nothing while I am paying people who give him a break from 24/7 from my credit card.
As Erin recently posted, the transfer payment agency who receives about $1800 a week from the Ministry of Health in Ontario in order to pay my personal assistants is refusing to pay Gabor. I have met the conditions but the agency has not yet restarted his wages.
We are broke. Going home is not an easy alternative because it would interrupt the ground work that I have spent weeks and months putting in place.
On top of that, I have no home to go back to. I needed to make a complete shift to make the Tour happen and so there is no house and there are no personal assistants in place either in Toronto where I lived for 37 years or Barrie where I will eventually live in the Sophia Creek Camphill community.
We have an urgent need for $3000 to meet upcoming personal assistance costs. Thereafter this will not be an ongoing expense if the transfer agency is persuaded to keep its commitment. After that I will have more income from work, but there will still likely be unmet expenses associated with Erin's work and with other daily costs of keeping going.
Please donate if you can, and pass the word along. Someone out there will think this is an exciting fulfilling way to spend the abundance they have!"
Warmly; Judith Snow
"Erin has done a wonderful job of setting up a Facebook "cause" for our group, and our friends. I thought I would throw in my words as well, to set a context that I realize some may not know.
First, what is this World Peace through Inclusion thing?!?
I notice lately that there are many peace initiatives and that is GREAT. More and more people realize you can't fight for peace. They are creating different pathways to that goal. That's important because peace is wholistic, inner and social, experienced in mind, body, heart and relationships. Certainly peace is created and certainly there is more than one way to make it present.
For over twenty years I grew in understanding that when people take on the challenge of being inclusive - building relationships and community from diverse ability - they became more peaceful, almost as a by-product.
For most of that time I ignored what I was learning. Afterall I am an inclusionist, not a peace activist!
Finally, I have been confronted with what I know, what I want in the world, and my ultimate responsibility to say what I see. Inclusion can lead to World Peace.
And so I have sold my house, bought a trailer and accessible van, and set off to figure out how to get this simple, important vision planted in the world.
First stop is Savannah, and there we have stayed for complex reasons. Please read the blog for details.
In the meantime - and here comes message #2 - various potential sources of income to sustain Erin - the publicist, Gabor - the personal assistant/roadie, and myself - the spokesperson - the $$ sources are slow to come through. Chief of these is the source of Gabor's wages, and he is currently working for nothing while I am paying people who give him a break from 24/7 from my credit card.
As Erin recently posted, the transfer payment agency who receives about $1800 a week from the Ministry of Health in Ontario in order to pay my personal assistants is refusing to pay Gabor. I have met the conditions but the agency has not yet restarted his wages.
We are broke. Going home is not an easy alternative because it would interrupt the ground work that I have spent weeks and months putting in place.
On top of that, I have no home to go back to. I needed to make a complete shift to make the Tour happen and so there is no house and there are no personal assistants in place either in Toronto where I lived for 37 years or Barrie where I will eventually live in the Sophia Creek Camphill community.
We have an urgent need for $3000 to meet upcoming personal assistance costs. Thereafter this will not be an ongoing expense if the transfer agency is persuaded to keep its commitment. After that I will have more income from work, but there will still likely be unmet expenses associated with Erin's work and with other daily costs of keeping going.
Please donate if you can, and pass the word along. Someone out there will think this is an exciting fulfilling way to spend the abundance they have!"
Warmly; Judith Snow
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Sad Note
Just a quick note:
I intended to write more, but my heart’s not in it. Erin had to return to Toronto today. The supports around her children broke down.
We can do lots of stuff by e-mail and Skype, so by no means is “all lost”. Also, as things get sorted out and her circle gets stronger, she will rejoin Gabor and me.
Just the same, I miss her.
Missing stuff has been a theme! Space, my cats, back-up personal assistants, a steady income, etc. I don’t want to drag on – or make the blog only into a personal diary! Still it’s remarkable how emotional this journey is continuing to be.
Tomorrow, I will give a more “professional” report, and maybe post some pictures.
Love; Judith
I intended to write more, but my heart’s not in it. Erin had to return to Toronto today. The supports around her children broke down.
We can do lots of stuff by e-mail and Skype, so by no means is “all lost”. Also, as things get sorted out and her circle gets stronger, she will rejoin Gabor and me.
Just the same, I miss her.
Missing stuff has been a theme! Space, my cats, back-up personal assistants, a steady income, etc. I don’t want to drag on – or make the blog only into a personal diary! Still it’s remarkable how emotional this journey is continuing to be.
Tomorrow, I will give a more “professional” report, and maybe post some pictures.
Love; Judith
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Dark Thoughts and Blind Men
Somehow time gets away. (That leaves an image of me crazily chasing after time with a butterfly net – unsuccessfully!) It’s already three days since the last post. How does that happen?
Relatively speaking there was quite a response to my last post, and ALL of it was to tell me that prisons are not something to like. Funny – I don’t think I said I like or agree with the existence of prisons. My point is there IS stuff in the world I don’t agree with and wouldn’t create or actively support, yet, if I am honest about my feelings, fears or even about what I observe in life, I know that I am sometimes attracted to what I consider to be violent and also that I have sometimes seen good results emerge from what I consider to be “bad”.
Why am I writing about this? Mostly because I am faced with what seems to be a reality that I am limited by my own judgment of good/bad. I came to be an “inclusionist” out of my reaction at six years old to some information my Father gave me about doctors killing children with Down Syndrome and our subsequent conversation about why he was keeping me alive. It was one of the most pivotal moments in my life. But in my life long zeal to fix this problem in the world and to permanently impart value to the people who are labeled disabled I have become a sort of one trick pony, and on top of that, I don’t consider myself to be particularly successful. Doctors continue to kill children with Down Syndrome, albeit in a much more scientifically justified and sanitized way.
One thing I have come to understand in my life is that to attempt to fix something is to empower that thing to reoccur in a stronger form. Use of antibiotics kills off weaker bacteria leaving the stronger ones optimal space to thrive. Closing institutions for “the disabled” led to the proliferation of group homes so that now every town, large or small, in North America and Europe, has houses where the labeled ones are isolated and hidden in the name of “being cared for”.
Does this mean I never use an antibiotic or that I want a return to institutions? No, it means I want to “love my enemies” to use a Christian teaching, or in Landmartian terms, (I am a Landmark Education graduate and an avid participant in their programs), I seek the path to transformation, where my unique perspective on the opportunity that is made available by diversity becomes understood in our shared world as part of bigger conversations about peace, abundance and responsibility for a healthy planet.
Back at the Life Ministries church this evening I came to some peace for myself about my mixed background of values and interpretations, callings and missions, and musings and confusions about what I am doing and why I am doing it. I realized that I don’t have to figure it out – I don’t have to understand myself, at least not altogether. There is no necessity to neatly wrap up my rich life experience, my love for my labeled fellow travelers or my intense drive to impart a different vision of the possibility of diversity.
It is enough that I have lived and am living a blessed life, that I have been richly afforded occasions to see beyond the “normal” cast of perceptions that our societies call the way it is, and that I have deeply experienced and am now exploring the abundance that is made possible by welcoming diversities that challenge us into vital networks of relationship and opportunity.
I simply want to share it, build it and as much as possible secure this way of being into our everyday structures.
On a related note, at the gracious invitation of Tom and Betsy Kohler, Erin, David, David’s brother Jamie and I went to a concert of gospel and Christmas music performed by the Blind Boys of Alabama, at a cozy bar called the Café Loco on Tybee Island. Gabor had already agreed to DJ at the Sentient Bean, so he MISSED IT.
The four principal Grammy winning performers are men in their 80’s who were raised at the Negro School for Blind Boys, where they first performed together in 1939, ten years before I was born.
Let’s just say the place rocked. Quite literally at some points the group, the audience, the entire building were jumping!
At one point the main singer, (I think he said his name is Jim Carter), was led out into the middle of the rocking, dancing audience by the tour manager Chuck. People reached out to touch him as he sang, danced and reached out to them. At points Chuck would start to lead Jim back up the steep step to the stage, and Jim would get part way up and turn around and practically drag Chuck back down into the joyful jumping crowd.
Although it initially looked like Chuck was trying to make Jim stop and return to the safety of the stage to end the concert at a time appropriate for a nearly 90 year old man, it was soon obvious that the two were playing a game, likely well practiced, and designed to give Jim full contact with his unseen listeners and their exquisite pleasure in the group’s performance. The two men were having a lot of fun.
Beyond the memorable performance I reveled in this demonstration of personal assistance at it’s best. Chuck facilitated Jim’s joyful, humorous play, and his full quality performance while making it safe without minimizing the risk or making a big deal of the “extra” work he was called to take on. We all had the chance to see team work at it’s finest but I suspect few will appreciate as much as I do that this demonstration of superb facilitation was brought about by men, some of whom started their lives in the deepest dual segregation, both racist and ablist, and that they are people who started the creation of the dance called personal assistance decades before the Independent Living Movement started in Berkley, California in the mid-60’s.
Chuck took our card from Erin. I am hopeful that Chuck is as good as his word and that the Blind Boys of Alabama will do a gig with the World Peace through Inclusion Tour when the gentlemen return from their European tour.
Judith
Relatively speaking there was quite a response to my last post, and ALL of it was to tell me that prisons are not something to like. Funny – I don’t think I said I like or agree with the existence of prisons. My point is there IS stuff in the world I don’t agree with and wouldn’t create or actively support, yet, if I am honest about my feelings, fears or even about what I observe in life, I know that I am sometimes attracted to what I consider to be violent and also that I have sometimes seen good results emerge from what I consider to be “bad”.
Why am I writing about this? Mostly because I am faced with what seems to be a reality that I am limited by my own judgment of good/bad. I came to be an “inclusionist” out of my reaction at six years old to some information my Father gave me about doctors killing children with Down Syndrome and our subsequent conversation about why he was keeping me alive. It was one of the most pivotal moments in my life. But in my life long zeal to fix this problem in the world and to permanently impart value to the people who are labeled disabled I have become a sort of one trick pony, and on top of that, I don’t consider myself to be particularly successful. Doctors continue to kill children with Down Syndrome, albeit in a much more scientifically justified and sanitized way.
One thing I have come to understand in my life is that to attempt to fix something is to empower that thing to reoccur in a stronger form. Use of antibiotics kills off weaker bacteria leaving the stronger ones optimal space to thrive. Closing institutions for “the disabled” led to the proliferation of group homes so that now every town, large or small, in North America and Europe, has houses where the labeled ones are isolated and hidden in the name of “being cared for”.
Does this mean I never use an antibiotic or that I want a return to institutions? No, it means I want to “love my enemies” to use a Christian teaching, or in Landmartian terms, (I am a Landmark Education graduate and an avid participant in their programs), I seek the path to transformation, where my unique perspective on the opportunity that is made available by diversity becomes understood in our shared world as part of bigger conversations about peace, abundance and responsibility for a healthy planet.
Back at the Life Ministries church this evening I came to some peace for myself about my mixed background of values and interpretations, callings and missions, and musings and confusions about what I am doing and why I am doing it. I realized that I don’t have to figure it out – I don’t have to understand myself, at least not altogether. There is no necessity to neatly wrap up my rich life experience, my love for my labeled fellow travelers or my intense drive to impart a different vision of the possibility of diversity.
It is enough that I have lived and am living a blessed life, that I have been richly afforded occasions to see beyond the “normal” cast of perceptions that our societies call the way it is, and that I have deeply experienced and am now exploring the abundance that is made possible by welcoming diversities that challenge us into vital networks of relationship and opportunity.
I simply want to share it, build it and as much as possible secure this way of being into our everyday structures.
On a related note, at the gracious invitation of Tom and Betsy Kohler, Erin, David, David’s brother Jamie and I went to a concert of gospel and Christmas music performed by the Blind Boys of Alabama, at a cozy bar called the Café Loco on Tybee Island. Gabor had already agreed to DJ at the Sentient Bean, so he MISSED IT.
The four principal Grammy winning performers are men in their 80’s who were raised at the Negro School for Blind Boys, where they first performed together in 1939, ten years before I was born.
Let’s just say the place rocked. Quite literally at some points the group, the audience, the entire building were jumping!
At one point the main singer, (I think he said his name is Jim Carter), was led out into the middle of the rocking, dancing audience by the tour manager Chuck. People reached out to touch him as he sang, danced and reached out to them. At points Chuck would start to lead Jim back up the steep step to the stage, and Jim would get part way up and turn around and practically drag Chuck back down into the joyful jumping crowd.
Although it initially looked like Chuck was trying to make Jim stop and return to the safety of the stage to end the concert at a time appropriate for a nearly 90 year old man, it was soon obvious that the two were playing a game, likely well practiced, and designed to give Jim full contact with his unseen listeners and their exquisite pleasure in the group’s performance. The two men were having a lot of fun.
Beyond the memorable performance I reveled in this demonstration of personal assistance at it’s best. Chuck facilitated Jim’s joyful, humorous play, and his full quality performance while making it safe without minimizing the risk or making a big deal of the “extra” work he was called to take on. We all had the chance to see team work at it’s finest but I suspect few will appreciate as much as I do that this demonstration of superb facilitation was brought about by men, some of whom started their lives in the deepest dual segregation, both racist and ablist, and that they are people who started the creation of the dance called personal assistance decades before the Independent Living Movement started in Berkley, California in the mid-60’s.
Chuck took our card from Erin. I am hopeful that Chuck is as good as his word and that the Blind Boys of Alabama will do a gig with the World Peace through Inclusion Tour when the gentlemen return from their European tour.
Judith
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Building and Breaking Down Community
Both progress and serious stress showed themselves in the last few days.
I am proud to report that Team Avalanche - Erin, Gabor and myself - have the makings of real activities with goals, timelines, and partners, we have the beginnings of a fundraising strategy and a budget, and we have much of the required infrastructure - a part time personal assistant, David, to relieve Gabor’s 24/7 schedule, another, Lara, on her way, an office set up in Avalanche, most of the equipment working, at least most of the time, good video equipment, functioning internet and e-mail accounts, and a growing Facebook group.
On the “down” side Erin’s home situation, with kids being supported by her circle, is rocky and we almost had to send her home today, and issues that smack of “scarcity” dog our energy, focus and effectiveness. This morning, after Gabor tripped twice and I ran into part of my desk turning around to have breakfast, and Erin and I met yet again in the van which sometimes doubles as our “office”, I recognized that I was – jealous - as two bus sized RV’s drove in tandem into River’s End, each towing a full sized SUV, and out jumped – 3 people!
Of course I have never spent any time in my life pursuing lots of money and “things”. In general I have tended to prefer a life less focused on material things. I could have - and still could - justify my tendency to avoid the materialistic! This morning I got in touch with how I hold it as either/or when it possibly could be both/and.
I have been living in that I am not wealthy because I am pursuing higher values!!! But, would the World Peace through Inclusion Tour have been any less valid if I had sought ways to afford a bus (or even two!) that easily accommodated 3 or 4, and an office, and was accessible, and towed a truly comfortable, accessible car?
Of course we still can!
My other reflection was even messier. One of Erin’s children frequently displaces an utter lack of respect for adults, particularly those who are charged with the responsibility of educating him and giving him a home. Gabor and I had a long conversation about discipline this morning, and I, somewhat uncharacteristically for me, was considering the possible value of corporal punishment, at least as one of a few – rather extreme – strategies that sometimes, when used within proper limits, actually work. For example I am in a long term friendship with a young woman who, when she was a teenager, after years of careful attention by many people, got herself into prison for three years. There she benefited greatly physically, emotionally and educationally. It isn’t what I wanted to believe. There were times when I almost hoped things would break down so that I could say: “See, prisons are bad.” – but in her case prison saved her life.
On my afternoon stroll I was more thinking about why I was caught up in such dark thoughts. I realized that for a few weeks I have been hearing stories like the Wallmart employee who was trampled to death by early morning Thanksgiving shoppers and a young man in a nearby nursing home who was starved to death.
My own story and my own mission are founded in the story my father told me when I was six about doctors who were killing children with Down Syndrome. In short, from that moment I drew a life long intention to alter the “value” that “the disabled” have in society’s perception so that the desire to kill us would be muted.
Simply, it is a general pattern that shows up in all societies at some points and more or less often that people will kill even a member of their own family if they perceive that that person cannot or will not participate in sustaining the other members of the group/family. The other side of this pattern is that people will go to great length to sustain a member who is seen to be contributing typical or extraordinary value to them.
For me this has sparked an intention to deeply root the perception that people who are labeled disabled, and especially people who are not speaking, are contributing in both ordinary and often unusual and very valuable ways. One of these ways is by helping to make people more peaceful.
I don’t think I have turned into an abuser of children. I do think I fear for the retribution that the young man’s behaviour may draw on him in his childish waywardness, and so instinctively I am triggered to want to limit him and “get his attention”. The instinct runs deep and I am as capable of feeling it as anyone, even justifying it!
As a alternative, I think I and others need to admit that the instinct is there, and that it comes up when we feel threatened in our own survival. Then, perhaps, we can create effective, peaceful ways to sustain and nurture each other so that our threat levels can subside.
Judith
I am proud to report that Team Avalanche - Erin, Gabor and myself - have the makings of real activities with goals, timelines, and partners, we have the beginnings of a fundraising strategy and a budget, and we have much of the required infrastructure - a part time personal assistant, David, to relieve Gabor’s 24/7 schedule, another, Lara, on her way, an office set up in Avalanche, most of the equipment working, at least most of the time, good video equipment, functioning internet and e-mail accounts, and a growing Facebook group.
On the “down” side Erin’s home situation, with kids being supported by her circle, is rocky and we almost had to send her home today, and issues that smack of “scarcity” dog our energy, focus and effectiveness. This morning, after Gabor tripped twice and I ran into part of my desk turning around to have breakfast, and Erin and I met yet again in the van which sometimes doubles as our “office”, I recognized that I was – jealous - as two bus sized RV’s drove in tandem into River’s End, each towing a full sized SUV, and out jumped – 3 people!
Of course I have never spent any time in my life pursuing lots of money and “things”. In general I have tended to prefer a life less focused on material things. I could have - and still could - justify my tendency to avoid the materialistic! This morning I got in touch with how I hold it as either/or when it possibly could be both/and.
I have been living in that I am not wealthy because I am pursuing higher values!!! But, would the World Peace through Inclusion Tour have been any less valid if I had sought ways to afford a bus (or even two!) that easily accommodated 3 or 4, and an office, and was accessible, and towed a truly comfortable, accessible car?
Of course we still can!
My other reflection was even messier. One of Erin’s children frequently displaces an utter lack of respect for adults, particularly those who are charged with the responsibility of educating him and giving him a home. Gabor and I had a long conversation about discipline this morning, and I, somewhat uncharacteristically for me, was considering the possible value of corporal punishment, at least as one of a few – rather extreme – strategies that sometimes, when used within proper limits, actually work. For example I am in a long term friendship with a young woman who, when she was a teenager, after years of careful attention by many people, got herself into prison for three years. There she benefited greatly physically, emotionally and educationally. It isn’t what I wanted to believe. There were times when I almost hoped things would break down so that I could say: “See, prisons are bad.” – but in her case prison saved her life.
On my afternoon stroll I was more thinking about why I was caught up in such dark thoughts. I realized that for a few weeks I have been hearing stories like the Wallmart employee who was trampled to death by early morning Thanksgiving shoppers and a young man in a nearby nursing home who was starved to death.
My own story and my own mission are founded in the story my father told me when I was six about doctors who were killing children with Down Syndrome. In short, from that moment I drew a life long intention to alter the “value” that “the disabled” have in society’s perception so that the desire to kill us would be muted.
Simply, it is a general pattern that shows up in all societies at some points and more or less often that people will kill even a member of their own family if they perceive that that person cannot or will not participate in sustaining the other members of the group/family. The other side of this pattern is that people will go to great length to sustain a member who is seen to be contributing typical or extraordinary value to them.
For me this has sparked an intention to deeply root the perception that people who are labeled disabled, and especially people who are not speaking, are contributing in both ordinary and often unusual and very valuable ways. One of these ways is by helping to make people more peaceful.
I don’t think I have turned into an abuser of children. I do think I fear for the retribution that the young man’s behaviour may draw on him in his childish waywardness, and so instinctively I am triggered to want to limit him and “get his attention”. The instinct runs deep and I am as capable of feeling it as anyone, even justifying it!
As a alternative, I think I and others need to admit that the instinct is there, and that it comes up when we feel threatened in our own survival. Then, perhaps, we can create effective, peaceful ways to sustain and nurture each other so that our threat levels can subside.
Judith
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Response!
On Nov. 25, my Georgian colleague wrote the following e-mail, and subsequently agreed I can post it with my reply:
Thank you for staying in touch. I would like to work and play
with you, as well. However, what I would like and what I can
realistically do are sometimes very far apart! I have several
"projects" on my plate right now, and have been trying to monitor
myself so that I don't take on any more until I get a few of them
completed. I just don't have any more time in any given day -
actually I could use a few extra hours every day if you know of
someone who could spare theirs!
I am enjoying reading your blog - learning how you think;
attempting to get my thinking inside of yours to understand the
point you are making. I really enjoy the way you think, but I
confess that I have to take time to absorb, interpret, engage -
and time is short for me right now. (Back to the previous paragraph!)
As a Christian theologian, I do think the conversation about World
Peace through Inclusion can be approached through a religious
context. (Of course, as a theologian, I think every topic can be
approached in some way through a religious context.) But,
further, I think a case could be made for the consideration that
world peace (or maybe more specifically, conflict) is currently
centered in a religious context, so that if we could engage
religion with inclusion, we would widen the audience and the
process. (Check out Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel, and the peace
conversation he is engaging through the Interfaith Youth Corps.)
I spoke with our associate pastor, Chris Henry, about bringing
your Tour to our congregation here in Atlanta. We have not had a
chance to follow up. The Christian community is entering the time
of Advent, which has lost much of it's reflective, introspective
practice in recent history. We now spend much time in the
Christian church at this time of the year busying ourselves with
celebrating the birth of Jesus, versus recognizing the impact of
being "incarnate" beings.
Your blog about being normate, and your exploration of physical
and etheral self touches on the Christian understanding of
"incarnation" - which is what Christmas is really about -
recognizing the experience of "God" becoming "human." That the
"spiritual" self is embodied in a physical "self" is the
touchstone of Christianity - in my estimation. So, you see, you
do have much to say to a Christian audience - maybe you didn't
realize that?
I responded:
Thank you so much for getting right back to me, for reading the blog, and for reflecting on what I say and responding to me!
Yes, I do realize the Christian context and connection, even the significance of "my" message considering how often the message of "love" has been watered down to "be good and help out the less fortunate". I was born an Anglican and deeply influenced when I was four by a theologian and and priest who came to town for six months. Ordinarily I have little opportunity to give the thoughts a religious contextualization, but in many ways this is also part of my "mission".
Warmly; Judith
Thank you for staying in touch. I would like to work and play
with you, as well. However, what I would like and what I can
realistically do are sometimes very far apart! I have several
"projects" on my plate right now, and have been trying to monitor
myself so that I don't take on any more until I get a few of them
completed. I just don't have any more time in any given day -
actually I could use a few extra hours every day if you know of
someone who could spare theirs!
I am enjoying reading your blog - learning how you think;
attempting to get my thinking inside of yours to understand the
point you are making. I really enjoy the way you think, but I
confess that I have to take time to absorb, interpret, engage -
and time is short for me right now. (Back to the previous paragraph!)
As a Christian theologian, I do think the conversation about World
Peace through Inclusion can be approached through a religious
context. (Of course, as a theologian, I think every topic can be
approached in some way through a religious context.) But,
further, I think a case could be made for the consideration that
world peace (or maybe more specifically, conflict) is currently
centered in a religious context, so that if we could engage
religion with inclusion, we would widen the audience and the
process. (Check out Acts of Faith by Eboo Patel, and the peace
conversation he is engaging through the Interfaith Youth Corps.)
I spoke with our associate pastor, Chris Henry, about bringing
your Tour to our congregation here in Atlanta. We have not had a
chance to follow up. The Christian community is entering the time
of Advent, which has lost much of it's reflective, introspective
practice in recent history. We now spend much time in the
Christian church at this time of the year busying ourselves with
celebrating the birth of Jesus, versus recognizing the impact of
being "incarnate" beings.
Your blog about being normate, and your exploration of physical
and etheral self touches on the Christian understanding of
"incarnation" - which is what Christmas is really about -
recognizing the experience of "God" becoming "human." That the
"spiritual" self is embodied in a physical "self" is the
touchstone of Christianity - in my estimation. So, you see, you
do have much to say to a Christian audience - maybe you didn't
realize that?
I responded:
Thank you so much for getting right back to me, for reading the blog, and for reflecting on what I say and responding to me!
Yes, I do realize the Christian context and connection, even the significance of "my" message considering how often the message of "love" has been watered down to "be good and help out the less fortunate". I was born an Anglican and deeply influenced when I was four by a theologian and and priest who came to town for six months. Ordinarily I have little opportunity to give the thoughts a religious contextualization, but in many ways this is also part of my "mission".
Warmly; Judith
Last Day of November
The Tour is down to five more months. Or maybe not! It has been emerging that a number of opportunities are possible toward August and later. Clearly I need to be in Toronto in May and July, and I want to spend lots of time with Camphill in Barrie and Angus during the summer months. Just the same the future of the Tour is unfolding and I am loath to push it or cut it off.
Right now it looks like we can do good things if we stick around Tybee and Savannah until mid or end of April, head back to Toronto picking up Madison and/or Chicago and/or Indianapolis along the way, then head west picking up Denver and others, spend quality time in and near Duncan and BC, etc. I hope to have made these decisions in the next three weeks.
By the end of Thanksgiving weekend we have leads but no commitments. Conversations are underway about working at two conferences, doing several meetings, fulfilling two or three writing projects, starting and/or demonstrating Laser Eagles in two areas, doing some support around advocates who face life and death crises with their labeled friends, and working with two to four youth groups. It would be impossible to do much deep work if we left by the end of February but, on the other hand, there are as of yet no firm commitments and all of the initial could still easily dissipate.
Erin has sequestered herself for rest, reflection and writing at Kristin’ and Brad’s Tybee house. Gabor and I attended service at First Presbyterian on Washington this morning. This is the church where Gloria, Jean, Franziska, Paula and I started our January sojourn in Savannah earlier this year. Neel Foster is chair of the social concerns committee there, and we have been to dinner at the church twice since we got here. It seemed important to show up as a way of indicating our seriousness about deepening possibilities to get the Peace through Inclusion vision on the table in this well established network of Savannahians.
Today is the first day of the Christian church year, the first Sunday of advent, the time when the church prepares for the incarnation of God through the birth of the baby Jesus. Advent has always been my favourite season. However you find the Christian message, it seems powerful to me, and very much in line with Inclusion. It is awesome to reflect on the message that the powerful and organized oppressors were utterly turned upside down, and that the discontinuities in our human natures can be reconciled by the utter vulnerability of an infant. The “authentic” Christian message is that ultimately power lies not in strength, ability, resources or organization but in love, intimacy and forgiveness.
The service was powerful, bringing me once again to question how much of my desire to take on this Tour comes out of my political commitment to Inclusion, and how much out of my Christian-shaped spirituality. Perhaps it doesn’t really matter, but it leaves me with questions about what to write, what to say and how to approach people with what I believe will inspire them.
Tonight the rain stopped and it was warm enough to go for a walk. I am stiff and uncomfortable from sitting still too long, in front of the computer, in the close quarters of Avalanche or Bronte, or even in church. There is a brand new moon and so not much light, and even though I was wearing Gabor’s head lamp and my eyes are trained to see in the dark of the country roads after two months of living at Camphill Nottawasaga, I noticed how nervous and tentative I was as I rolled along.
I reflected on how similar this is to my approach to this Tour. If I were out in broad daylight I would zip down the bike path, avoiding the sidewalk which is generally sound but has occasional gaps and drops. I would easily notice large vistas of marsh or artists’ displays, and generally enjoy the intriguing and sometimes humorous landscape of Tybee.
In the dark, the shadow of a large tree makes me lose sight of the road’s edge, I stick to the sidewalk when possible because drivers do not necessarily pay much attention to my white coat and head lamp, and a barking dog on a balcony makes me cautious. In fact I turned back when I dropped a few inches between some uneven sidewalk sections, and on the way back mistook another trailer for ours and was disoriented for awhile.
It’s the same space, there is just as much beauty and the same compelling reasons to be out exploring and taking it all in exist in the day or by night. The risks are pretty much the same. However the lack of capacity to see clearly beyond a few centimeters changes everything - curiousity into timidity, grace into creeping, accomplishment into survival.
I know that it is always important to approach the future with a certainty based on nothing but faith – whether it be faith in dream or Holy Spirit, however you see it. It is easy to know that but not so easy to do it when there is no way to know what’s in the future. And mostly there is no way to know what will be in the future and so faith – especially my faith right now - must stand on nothing.
It seems that I chose to spend my life, my resources, my relationships and my reputation traveling and creating the World Peace through Inclusion Tour based on the faith that my life and the richness of the blessings I have received are not for nothing and won’t be wasted. I continue to believe that, in some manner that remains too dark for me to see yet, we who are called disabled have a rightful and important role in history and that we can take a full place in every community.
I just can’t see how – yet.
Judith
Right now it looks like we can do good things if we stick around Tybee and Savannah until mid or end of April, head back to Toronto picking up Madison and/or Chicago and/or Indianapolis along the way, then head west picking up Denver and others, spend quality time in and near Duncan and BC, etc. I hope to have made these decisions in the next three weeks.
By the end of Thanksgiving weekend we have leads but no commitments. Conversations are underway about working at two conferences, doing several meetings, fulfilling two or three writing projects, starting and/or demonstrating Laser Eagles in two areas, doing some support around advocates who face life and death crises with their labeled friends, and working with two to four youth groups. It would be impossible to do much deep work if we left by the end of February but, on the other hand, there are as of yet no firm commitments and all of the initial could still easily dissipate.
Erin has sequestered herself for rest, reflection and writing at Kristin’ and Brad’s Tybee house. Gabor and I attended service at First Presbyterian on Washington this morning. This is the church where Gloria, Jean, Franziska, Paula and I started our January sojourn in Savannah earlier this year. Neel Foster is chair of the social concerns committee there, and we have been to dinner at the church twice since we got here. It seemed important to show up as a way of indicating our seriousness about deepening possibilities to get the Peace through Inclusion vision on the table in this well established network of Savannahians.
Today is the first day of the Christian church year, the first Sunday of advent, the time when the church prepares for the incarnation of God through the birth of the baby Jesus. Advent has always been my favourite season. However you find the Christian message, it seems powerful to me, and very much in line with Inclusion. It is awesome to reflect on the message that the powerful and organized oppressors were utterly turned upside down, and that the discontinuities in our human natures can be reconciled by the utter vulnerability of an infant. The “authentic” Christian message is that ultimately power lies not in strength, ability, resources or organization but in love, intimacy and forgiveness.
The service was powerful, bringing me once again to question how much of my desire to take on this Tour comes out of my political commitment to Inclusion, and how much out of my Christian-shaped spirituality. Perhaps it doesn’t really matter, but it leaves me with questions about what to write, what to say and how to approach people with what I believe will inspire them.
Tonight the rain stopped and it was warm enough to go for a walk. I am stiff and uncomfortable from sitting still too long, in front of the computer, in the close quarters of Avalanche or Bronte, or even in church. There is a brand new moon and so not much light, and even though I was wearing Gabor’s head lamp and my eyes are trained to see in the dark of the country roads after two months of living at Camphill Nottawasaga, I noticed how nervous and tentative I was as I rolled along.
I reflected on how similar this is to my approach to this Tour. If I were out in broad daylight I would zip down the bike path, avoiding the sidewalk which is generally sound but has occasional gaps and drops. I would easily notice large vistas of marsh or artists’ displays, and generally enjoy the intriguing and sometimes humorous landscape of Tybee.
In the dark, the shadow of a large tree makes me lose sight of the road’s edge, I stick to the sidewalk when possible because drivers do not necessarily pay much attention to my white coat and head lamp, and a barking dog on a balcony makes me cautious. In fact I turned back when I dropped a few inches between some uneven sidewalk sections, and on the way back mistook another trailer for ours and was disoriented for awhile.
It’s the same space, there is just as much beauty and the same compelling reasons to be out exploring and taking it all in exist in the day or by night. The risks are pretty much the same. However the lack of capacity to see clearly beyond a few centimeters changes everything - curiousity into timidity, grace into creeping, accomplishment into survival.
I know that it is always important to approach the future with a certainty based on nothing but faith – whether it be faith in dream or Holy Spirit, however you see it. It is easy to know that but not so easy to do it when there is no way to know what’s in the future. And mostly there is no way to know what will be in the future and so faith – especially my faith right now - must stand on nothing.
It seems that I chose to spend my life, my resources, my relationships and my reputation traveling and creating the World Peace through Inclusion Tour based on the faith that my life and the richness of the blessings I have received are not for nothing and won’t be wasted. I continue to believe that, in some manner that remains too dark for me to see yet, we who are called disabled have a rightful and important role in history and that we can take a full place in every community.
I just can’t see how – yet.
Judith
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